Life, 1912-03-14 · page 28 of 44
Life — March 14, 1912 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine contains several short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"Better Not Inquire"** mocks pedantic pronunciation disputes. Two characters argue whether a gemstone is called "turkeze" or "turkwoise," then ask a jeweler to settle it—who deflates their pretension by revealing it's actually "glass," making the entire argument pointless. **"An Omission"** jokes about a father's stinginess: he gave his son a car but didn't endow it (provide funds), a play on legal/financial terminology. **"The Conveyancer's Valentine"** uses legal property terminology as romantic metaphor—a lawyer proposes to a spinster using real-estate language ("convey," "unencumbered title"). **"Carte Blanche"** satirizes a husband's indifference to his wife's cultural decisions; he dismisses her musical program choice by telling her to consult an architect instead. The page also contains period advertisements for Belle Mead Sweets candy and a book announcement for *Pandora's Box*. The humor relies on wordplay, professional jargon, and social observation about marriage dynamics and pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Better Not Inquire “Yes,” said Swagger, “this is a turk- eze ring. “Excuse me,” said B “the cor- rect pronunciation of that word is ‘turk- woise.’” “No, ‘turkeze,’ excuse me.” “T say ‘turkwoise.’” “Well, let's go to a jeweler and ask him.” “ Right.” “In order to settle a wager,” said Swagger to the jeweler, “would you mind telling me if the correct pronun- ciation of the stone in this ring is ‘turkeze’ or ‘turkwoise’?” The jeweler took the ring and exam- ined it carefully. “The correct pronunciation,” he said, glass.’ "—Tit-Bits. An Omission Ksicxer: Did your father give you an auto? Bocker: Yes, but he didn’t endow it. —Lippincott's. The Conveyancer’s Valentine Dear spinster, you alone can give, grant bargain, or convey . The property I'd fain acquire! (I's neither clod nor clay— Nor strictly incorporeal—it’s personal, in a way— And yet it's real—Oh, pshaw) I pray If you can give an unencumbered title, clear and free, Your heart, with rights appurtenant, for life, convey to me. —The Green Bag. Carte Blanche “I think,” said Mrs. Cumrox, who was arranging a musical programme, “that we will have a mezzo-soprano. “All right,” replied her husband. “Don’t bother me about it. Go ahead and see an architect.” —Washington Star, Ir was at one of the famous “ frolics” given by the Lambs. Mr. Charles Frob- man had made an extremely neat and appropriate speech. There was loud ap- plause at its finish, and then, “ Author! Author!" cried Mr. Augustus Thomas, standing up on his chair.—Argonaut Lure is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the Unite: Possessions. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postac a years to Canada, $2 cents. Single current copies, 10 date of publication, 25 cents. No contrit be returmed unless accompanied br stamped and addeosed envelope. responsible for the bis or manoreturn of tanvlicited contributions. Live. Is for sale by all Newsdeaters in Great Britain, ‘The International News Company, Breams Building Tarn dies met held itself Chancery Lane, London, F-Cus News Exchanges, 21 Bride Lan Gustavo Modena, Milan; Mayence, Germany. The text and illustrations in Lave are copyrighted, Fer Reprint Rights im Great Britain apply to Lave, 114 Swithampton Rate, Londen, WC Prompt matifcation should be sent by subscribers of any change of adirem. land, AGENTS. Brentanos's, 37 Ave. de l"Opera, Paris; also at Saurbac Fleet Cu Londons 148 Rue du Faubourg, St. Denis, Paris; 1, without artificial color is so unusual that it is hard to believe. Belle Mead Sweets Chocolates and Bon Bons have been on the market for over ten years and in all that time not a single ounce of artificial coloring has been mixed into them. That is just one thing which makes this tempting candy a little differently better than others. Druggists who are particular about sell- ing pure goods are agents for them. Sold only in sealed packay 80c, $1.00, $1.25, $1.50 5 and $2.00 the pound. { Le Belle Mead Sweets 81 West End Ave., TRENTON, N. J. The Cleanest Candy Kitchen in the World. PANDORA'S BOX By JOHN AMES MITCHELL Author of “Amos Judd," The Pines of Lory,” etc. Editor of Life. Four Ilustrations by the author. $1.30 net; prepaid $1.4 FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY Publishers New York comicbooks.com