Life, 1912-01-04 · page 45 of 108
Life — January 4, 1912 — page 45: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two main satirical pieces: **"A New Protective Body"** mocks the rudeness of early telephone etiquette. The cartoon illustrates a common annoyance: businessmen (like "Mr. Jones") would have secretaries call ahead and place callers on hold, forcing them to wait while the executive finished other business. The satire proposes a "Telephone Listeners' Mutual Protective Association" where callers would hang up if not immediately greeted by the person calling them—asserting mutual respect through refusal to wait. The cartoon depicts a telephone receiver seemingly being hung up from above, humorously visualizing this act of defiance. **"In the Literary Eye"** is a lighter satirical sketch about author E. Benezer McTish, whose novel "Ploughshears and Pineneedles" is selling well. The joke: publishers accepted it not because of merit but because McTish was so pleasant they "simply couldn't refuse." The humor lies in suggesting his charm mattered more than literary quality. A brief quip about a zoo ostrich envying a woman's modern hat as a "portable hiding place" appears at bottom.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A New Protective Body W are about to form the Telephone Listeners’ Mutual Protective Association. Will you join? There are no dues, the only requirement be- ing a little firmness and self- control on your part. The idea is this: Have you ever been called up over the telephone by some man, who, in order to save his own time and without regard to yours, orders his stenog- rapher, or private secretary, to get you on the wire first? Then, when you are on the wire, and waiting, he saunters leisurely up and tells you what he wants. Suppose, for example, that your name is Smith. This is what happens: The bell rings. You answer. “Hello?” A young woman's voice then says: “Ts this Mr. Smith?” “Yes. Who—”" “Wait a moment, please. Mr. Jones wishes to speak to you.” You wait. In a moment, Jones—when he has_ finished what he has been doing, hav- ing been informed that you— Smith—are waiting for him, comes to the telephone. Now, in order to become a member of the Telephone Lis teners’ Mutual Protective As- sociation, all you have to do is to agree that hereafter, whenever anybody calls you up over the telephone and dele- gates someone else to get you first, is, immediately upon ascertaining that fact, to hang wy NOT AUTO-S please, a—" Once more you hang up the receiver and, whistling at your work, proceed as before. In a few moments more the bell rings again. This time it is a man’s voice. “Ts this Mr. Smith?” “y “This is Jones.” Ah! how are you, Jones.” “I have been trying to get you for some time. “Yes, Jones, I know but you see I am a member of the Telephone Listeners’ Mutual Protective Association, and our rule is that when anyone rings us up he shall be at the 'phone before we are, on the principle of mutual courtesy, and be- cause he hasn't really any right to ta our time.” Please pass this In the Literary Eye E2 McTISH, whose powerful novel, “ Ploughshares and Pinenec- dles,” is now going through the second edition, is a splendid specimen of the liter- ary profession. Tall, handsome, angular, graceful, a decided blonde and a good dresser, he could easily be picked out of a crowd, As the story of his early struggles goes, the publishers to whom he submitted the manuscript of this monumental work did not know whether to publish it or not, but Mr. McTish was so pleasant about it that they simply couldn't re- fuse. As a result, the book is enjoying a phenomenal sale. Mr. McTish, like many an- other native litterateur, was born in the United States, and gave early promise of a marked literary ability. The little town of Columbus, Ohio, which boasts his birthplace, is already preparing to buy up the receiver and let him do it all over again. This is what you should do: The bell rings. You answer. A woman's voice. “Ts this Mr. Smith?” ©Yes*. “Wait a moment. Mr. Jones— At this point you hang up the receiver and proceed HE Zoo ostrich saw a woman wearing a modern style with the regular order of business. In a few moments the hat. bell rings again. Same voice. “Ah,” he mused, “ wouldn't I like to have one of those “Ts this Mr. Smith?” portable hiding places!” and memorialize the house on East Naghten street where he first saw the light of di Mr. MeTish is rushing work on another novel for publication in the early spring.