Life, 1912-01-04 · page 31 of 108
Life — January 4, 1912 — page 31: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Life magazine page satirizes early automotive culture through two main pieces: **"The Flight of Time" cartoons** contrast driving attitudes between 1901 (cautious, 10 mph) and 1912 (reckless, 50 mph). The joke: in just over a decade, cars became so fast that safety concerns vanished—passengers now urged drivers to go *faster* rather than slower. This mocks how quickly society normalized dangerous speeds. **"A Tract for Autos"** is a mock-morality tale (parodying children's fables) comparing a "bad" touring car that speeds recklessly, blares its horn, and endangers pedestrians versus a "good" car that's courteous. The punchline: the bad car crashes and burns; the good car "developed Planes and flew"—absurdist humor suggesting only escape to the sky saves you from automotive chaos. **"Cause for Gloom"** jokes about nouveau riche anxiety: a man makes $1,000 on Wall Street but his wife loses $2,000 at bridge (gambling). The cartoon ridicules both wealthy excess and the social acceptance of women's high-stakes gambling. The page reflects 1910s anxieties about rapid technological change and shifting social norms.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
1901—SPEED 10 MILES AN HOUR “NOW DO BE CAREFUL, FRED. YOU'RE SCORCHING.”” THE FLIGHT OF TIME Orta. 1912—SPEED $0 MILES AN HOUR “WHAT'S THE MATTER, JOHN? CAN'T YOU GO A LITTLE FASTER?” A Tract for Autos COME, all you little Runabouts And gather round my Knee; I'll tell you of a Touring Car As bad as bad could be: It worked its Klaxon overtime To make a Horrid Noise And thought it Fun to muss up Hens And little Girls and Boys. It used to blow its Tires out To hear its Owner swear, And loved to balk on Trolley Tracks To give his Friends a Scare. At last this naughty Touring Car Got drunk on Too Much Oil, And went a-boiling up the Road As hard as it could boil, And went a-plunging, tumbling down A dreadful, dark Ravine; And there it burns and burns and burns In Smelly Gasoline! Another little Touring Car Was very, very good; It always minded Brake and Wheel, And never splashed its Hood. It wouldn't skid, nor anger Folks, By giving them a Shove, But cooed as gently through its Horn As any Sucking Dove. It never grew Unmannerly To Market-Cart or Di But whispered “ Please, you, Sir!” To those that blocked its Way. and “ Thank It never scattered Bolts and Plugs About the Countryside, But did its Level Best to be Its Owner’s Joy and Pride. So, when ‘twas Time to yield its Place To Models fresh and new, This lovely little Touring Car Developed Planes and flew! Arthur Guiterman, propriate; you can always tell a per- son who has forgotten his aura in the morning; he walks about in an aimless manner and often fails to recognize his friends; he will even borrow money from you—if he can. Once a week give your aura a thor- ough brushing and shake it in the open air. It should also be scoured occa- sionally with soap and water and polished with silver polish. If it be- comes worn in spots, massage it freely until the old health glow comes back. Ladies who attend the opera in win- ter time should always leave their f ' auras behind them in’ a safe, warm place; nothing. is more wearing upon an aura than to expose it to the weather or to conversation. In case you should lose your aura, communicate with this office at once. We have a few second-hand ones of a very good quality, which we will sup- ply to responsible parties at a reason- able figure. Definitions ‘0 RENEGE: Not to follow suit. To Reno: To begin suit. Cause for Gloom # HY do you look so downhearted this morning? Thought you made a thousand dollars yesterday in Wall Street?” “TI did, but my wife lost two thou- sand at bridge.” WHO CARES?