Life, 1911-12-21 · page 12 of 44
Life — December 21, 1911 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical article mocks the commercialization of women's beauty routines and leisure time. The magazine presents a mock "beauty parlor schedule" from 9 AM to 3 PM, suggesting women fill their days with superficial activities: baths, hair treatments, walking lessons, and manicures. The satirical subtitle states this provides "moral consciousness" while doing "something worth while"—clearly ironic, as the activities listed are purely cosmetic and leisure-focused, not substantive. The accompanying sketches illustrate "How to Enter an Opera Box" and proper walking posture, mocking the artificiality and rigid etiquette demands placed on women of this era. The overall satire critiques how women's time and aspirations are reduced to appearance management and social performance rather than meaningful pursuits.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
-LIFE = Our Beauty Programme for Women Every Moment of the Day Occupied in Making One's Figure What it Should be, to Say Nothing of the Moral Gain in Having a Definite Thing to Accomplish E have just arranged a new programme for our beauty parlors so that ladies who are suffering from lonesomeness, or, to speak more plainly, ennui, may have their time not only fully but profitably occupied from morning until night. Motoring, shopping, reading light fiction, going to light plays, bridge and such occupations have the disadvantage of not bringing on any improvement in one’s appearance, so that they undoubtedly become irksome, but by adopting our beauty parlor schedule you have the moral conscious- ness that you are doing something worth while. The programme is as follows: Nine to Ten.—Tepid bath with benzoin and rose water, followed by agreeable massage. A light breakfast, au lit, with which your mail is read aloud to you by one of our trained maids. Should there be anything disagreeable in it—-such as a communication from one’s husband—the soft, well-modulated voice of our elocutionist greatly relieves what otherwise might be a shock. Ten to Eleven—The hair. We may say that the tech- nique of the hair is not fully understood, except by us. We use only the best imported varieties. Thirty minutes are spent in brushing. Each of our customer’s rats and switches are kept in an individual antiseptic closet. Our artists try various effects, some of them highly diverting. Eleven to Twelve.—Walking. This may sound formid- able to some, but we can only assure our patrons that when Try to give the impression that the social whirl is “ gradually killing you.” This invests you with a melancholy interest and is better than to b like this and have them remark: “ Well, I'll be jiggered, if there isn't old Anna de Vivre—Thought she was dead.” “While receiving one’s friends at tea, the husband may be permitted for a few moments—but this is not advised.” conducted in an exhilarating manner, it is positively a delight. Here is a letter just received: Dear Lace: Yesterday I walked for the first time in years. I must confess that I was loath to take it up, but under your system it is really delightful. Permit me to thank you for your ex- cellent method. Mrs. — Walking as we manage it never becomes vulgar or com- mon. We have a special foyer, where all of the xsthetic walks are practiced. Among other things we teach How to enter an opera box. How to approach a modiste. How to retreat from one’s husband. How to walk from your motor car across the sidewalk into an emporium. How to walk from your drawing-room into your din- ing-room. We assure everybody that there is nothing violent in our treatment. The sense of power that one has after a few morning lessons with us can scarcely be over-csti- mated. welve to One-—Manicuring. Only the most agreeable experts are employed, and, while practicing their art, they will entertain you with agreeable conversation, or will re- main silent. During this period one may look at some moving pictures if so desired; the subjects are all light, and not calculated to fatigue. One to Two.—Luncheon. Two to Three.—Sleep in a darkened room, comicbooks -com