Life — December 7, 1911 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1002 -L)PE* Christmas for All True Pessimists A Celebration This Year by the Pessimists’ Club, Which is Calcu- lated to Reveal the Hopelessness of the Yuletide Season—Customs that Must Be Eradicated—Some Melancholy Facts HIS is formal notice to all concerned that there will be the usual Christ- as celebration this year at the Pes- simists’ Club. It is a melancholy and significant fact that this celebration will be much more complete than usual, owing to the increasing mem- bership; also because the organiza- tion of the club has been strength- ened. All members are requested to gather as early as possible on Christmas Eve. A formal protest will be made against the silly and useless custom of hanging up stockings ; every pessimist in good standing is ex- pected to sign this. The practice of setting up Christmas trees, illuminating them with artificial lights and trimming them with all sorts of pifling presents which nobody wants —just because the whole fraudulent de- lusion is merely an affair to trick the children and give them a certain amount of fictitious pleas- ure—cannot be too strongly deprecated. The time has come when formal action must be taken against such sentimental chicanery. Entirely aside from the useless labor involved, every Christmas tree, after it has been standing for a few hours, begins to shed itself all over the furniture, and, in fact, it takes days before the horrid mess can be eradicated. This, however, is by no means the only abuse which the Pessimists’ Club hopes to deal with at its annual Christmas celebration. Heretofore, scattered pessimists throughout the land have raised their feeble protests against the whole Christmas farce, but individual voices are ineffectual, It is believed that by combining against these customs, which people have permitted themselves to fall into the habit of celebrating, we can eventually eradi- cate them altogether. We offer no hope, however, that this can be easily ac- complished. We merely believe in doing our stern duty and, while shall probably not be able to do much this year, at least we shall realize the sad and bitter part of it all. That is something. In order to give an idea of how some of these sense- less practices have become embedded in the average mind, we append the following letter: Dear Sirs: I am the father of a large family, and have had a series of disasters; my children all got sick; I had to pay enormous doctor's bills, and this discouraged me so that I got down on my luck, and in the midst of it all lost’ my position. In spite of all this, however, my wife—who is, I regret to say, a more or less cheerful person —recently suggested that, even if we couldn't give the children much this year, I might rig myself up as a Santa Claus and give them a little of what she is pleased to term “genuine pleasure.” Inasmuch as I am a recent member of the Pessimists’ Club, I am writing for your advice. Personally, I rather rebel against any such thing. “The silly and useless custom of hanging up stock. ings.” We print this letter simply to show how difficult it is for some people to avoid being cheerful when a stern and unyielding study of the whole situation must demonstrate to any honest mind ¢ there is no hope for anybody. Here is our friend—iif we may call any man friend—on the verge of ruin, with the probability that he will not carry his children through the winter and no prospect of carning another cent—yct actually yielding to an impulse to romp and play! It is inconceivable that such things can happen. The fact that he has married a woman such as he indicates his wife to be is, of course, his own misfor- tune. We can only suggest to him that he sternly suppress at once any tendency to such frivolity as she suggests; otherwise we shal! have to suspend him from the club or impose upon him a fine. We cannot, however, afford to pay too much attention to these outward forms—bad as they are—while we neglect to get at the root of the matter. We must steadily keep in mind that, underneath the outward semblance of Christ- mas, there lies the idea of the brotherhood of man, good “Every present is a bribe” comicbooks een