Life — October 26, 1911 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

712 ae oa No Pessimists’ Clubhouse Not Possible With the General Feeling of Disagreement— Formation of Dyspeptics’ Corner Adds to Effectiveness of Club—Undertakers Barred Out—This W regret to inform everybody that the new building which was to house the Pessimists’ Club has had to be abandoned, owing to the fact that the members could ‘not agree about cither the method of construc- tion or the plans. Since our last bulletin, however, the membership has been rapidly increas- ing, applications pouring in from all over the country. Many of these are confidential. One man writes: “I desire to become a member of the Pessimists’ Club, which I regard as a mournful monument to our Amer- ican institutions. But please don't publish my name. The fact is, I am obliged to go about seeming to be cheerful, while in reality I] am a miser- able, unhappy wretch, and sce abso- HAUNTED BY SOMETHING Week's Lectures Iutely no hope for the future; I ask for nothing better than to be able to mingle with those who realize the fatal truth. —_—”" We beg to announce that there will be no limit to the membership. Everybody is eligible: the more the sadder. We expect in a short time to enroll the whole American nation under the banner of pessimism. As a friend writes: “They are all there now, only they don’t know it. They think they are happy; in reality they are the most un- happy people on the face of the carth; their restlessness, their extravagance, their constant changing from one thing to another, would be enough to prove this. But if any further evidence is wanting, we have only to look at the annals of the police courts or read the headlines in the papers, to see what frightfully idiotic drivel is read and what terrible plays they pretend amuse them; they are like those who sit face to face with some horrible unknown tragedy, and who, with the sang froid of genuine criminals, employ their time in discordantly laughing it off, and occupy themselves with any vul- gar and sufficiently fleeting sensation to make them forget the impending catastrophe.” We have had some difficulty in get- ting officers to serve in the club, and have asked this gentleman if he wouldn't be a vice-president or some- thing, but he persistently refuses. We regret this very much, as he has the right tone. A dyspeptics’ corner has just beer started. There will be a dyspeptics’ symposium every morning at eleven. Every symptom will be discussed and an argument will be conducted which will tend to show that there is no cure for dyspepsia. Yesterday we were obliged to expel several undertakers from the club; they spent their time in laughing and making jokes, to the discomfiture of everyone. It is evident that under- takers are not the kind of people we want, DYSPEPTICS’ SYMPOSIUAL Last week a number of magazine editors applied for admission. Since their arrival they have given to the club an added air of melancholy. It is hoped that some of our leading edi- torial writers will also apply. It should be understood that those who join the club will not expect to have their conditions bettered; that is not the idea of the club. You join because you are accus- tomed to looking upon the dark side and wish to be in an atmosphere where there is no hypocritical attempt at cheerfulness. In the Pessimists’ Club ¢verything is faced. Bitter truths are welcomed at all hours of the day and night. Every member of the club, to be in good standing, must be haunted by something—by insomnial dyspepsia, a chronic melancholy, a positive convic- tion that this country is a failure, by misery, debt, his wife or any other lugubrious reason, Only derisive laughter will be per- mitted. It is not necessary to be mor- bid. This implies that the trouble may be purely personal, whereas we all know that it lies everywhere, outside as well as in. Subjects for this week’s lectures, to comicbooks.com