Life, 1911-09-21 · page 20 of 52
Life — September 21, 1911 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces mocking American social institutions: **"Lydia Lillington Stabs Brother-in-Law"** is Life's fictional crime story—a humorous "scoop" fabricated to parody sensational crime reporting. The joke is that Life itself "engaged exclusively" the beautiful Miss Lillington to commit murder for publicity. The satire mocks breathless newspaper coverage that obsesses over trivial details (why a pickle fork? why say "more coffee"?) while ignoring actual motives, and the absurdity of a wealthy banker refusing bail. **"A New Enemy"** criticizes mandatory typhoid vaccination in the U.S. Army, suggesting soldiers fear the shot more than bullets. It parodies anti-vaccination sentiment by claiming the injection is worse than honest combat. **"Not to Lose the Trip"** is a dark joke about ambulance drivers: when called to an injury that doesn't warrant hospitalization, they deliberately hit pedestrians on the return trip to justify the ambulance ride. All three pieces use exaggeration and absurdism to satirize institutional incompetence, sensationalism, and public irrationality.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“LIF E* Lydia Lillington Stabs Brother-in-Law Beautiful Woman Engaged Exclusively by Life Does Hor- rible Deed in Cold Blood—Motive at Present Unknown, But Suspected—Miss Lillington's Appearance and Clothes = of the most blood-curdling deeds in the history of American crime has just been committed by a beautiful woman engaged exclusively by Lire for this purpose While seated at breakfast in her beautiful villa at Glen Cove, Long Island, at 7.30 a. a. last Wednesday, arrayed in a tremendously fetching lingeric breakfast gown (trimmed with passamenterie), Miss Lydia Lillington rose and in the presence of her husband and children, stabbed her brother-in-law to. death, She then said calmly to the butler: * Bring me some more coffee.” The weapon used was a pickle fork. N motive can at present be assigned for the de but the developments are coming thick and fa Questions that immediately present the selves are, “ Why did they have pickles for “Why did Miss -Lillington say ‘more coffce,’ when she should, ac cording to the best usage, have simply id ‘coffee’? “Why did they have breakfast so carly?” Immediately after the deed was com- mitted, Miss Lillington’s husband, who is a prominent banker, hurriedly left the house and went to his office in Wall Street. When interviewed by our re- porters—some thirty in number—he smiled, but refused to say anything ex- cept “Damn!” This looks bad for the defense. Miss Lillington was immediately ar- rested and taken to the Tombs. She was placed under a five hundred thou- sand dollar bond. Her husband, having “PLEASE, SIK, COULDN'T YOU KNOCK A LITTLE MORE g x refused to furnish bail, she was locked You MIGHT WAKE Tite naBrEs.” A New Enemy T has been an uphill job of late years inducing men to enlist in the United States Army. And after they do enlist there are many desertions. Perhaps the life is dull, We are sure it is from no fear of foreign bullets. The fact that Surgeon-General Torrey recently issued an order requiring every man in the army, officers and all, to submit to typhoid vaccination, might explain any sud- den increase in desertions, Considering the revolt in this country. axai ination, with present knowledge of its dangers, one could hardly blame a healthy soldier for running away from it. To the enlisted man of aver- age intelligence there is less to fear from a clean, honest bullet than from the deliberate injection of another man’s “In time of peace prepare for "—the worst. Not to Lose the Trip HAT do you do when you answer a call and find that the patient isn’t injured enough to take to the In a case of that kind,” replied the ambulance surgeon nonchalantly, “on the way back we generally pick up one “Ger UP, YoU MEAN Moy. you"RE Sitti of the pedestrians we ran over.” ox MY cum” comicbooks.com