Life, 1911-09-07 · page 35 of 44
Life — September 7, 1911 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains primarily **advertisements and short humor pieces rather than political cartoons**. The main content includes: 1. **A serialized story excerpt** about a romantic dilemma involving class differences—a wealthy man (Stiles) cannot marry a poor woman because the income disparity would be humiliating. 2. **"Dignity" essay**: A brief satirical piece mocking the idea that dignity alone can sustain a person financially. It argues that drawing a salary requires more than just a "haughty look and air of patronage." 3. **"A Wise Guy" humor piece**: A street anecdote where a truck driver's wagon damages lamps. A well-meaning gentleman collects charitable donations for the driver from passersby, but the driver cynically reveals he's the "wise guy"—implying he profited from the scam. **Product advertisements** for Mallory Hats and Peter's Milk Chocolate dominate the right side. The satirical tone targets **class pretension, false dignity, and con-artist mentality**—common themes in early 20th-century American humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
the things you have been used to would be like taking a goldfish out of the wa- ter and expecting him to be happy in a bureau drawer.” “But, papa——" “If papa helped you out, it would be the same; I never could stand it, sim- ply for the reason that it would be un- necessary to me; I couldn't get used to that sort of thing any more than you could to my income. It can’t be, Jose- phine. It’s terrible, but absolutely im- possible for us to marry.” “What docs papa say?” “It was he who said it:” . 8 © © «© It was eighteen months later. Stiles sat in the window of his club one day, as a huge automobile went slowly by down the avenue. A friend, standing near him, said: “Who are those people?” “A Mr. and Mrs. Caperton.” “Wasn't she a Miss Trayne?” “Yes.” “ And didn’t he fall into a fat thing?” And Stiles replied: “Well, I suppose that’s the way you look at it. I understand he has an in- come of about four thousand dollars a Dignity Dignity does not draw. It answers in place of intellectual tone for twenty minutes, but after a while it fails to get there. Dignity works all right in a wooden Indian or a drum major, but the man who desires to draw a_ salary through life and to be sure of a visible means of support, will do well to make some other provision than a haughty look and the air of patronage. If You Can’t Get Luncheon you can always get Peter’s Milk Chocolate The Food and Candy combined. Tt has a wonderful flavor because the in- gredients are so pure, and the Peter Process of combining them is so perfect. Peter's comes in several varie- ties Peter's Milk Chocolate. Peter's Milk Chocolate Cro- quettes. Peter's Almond Milk Choco- late, Peter's “Thimbles” with Hazelnuts. Peter's Bon-Bons, All That You Like in a Hat $3, $3.50 and $4 A “Mallory Cravenetted Hat’’ is simply a hat of the finest fur felt, worked into refined and attractive shapes—the best hat qualities you can buy anywhere, plus the added value that comes from the “‘Cravenetting’’ process. If you want this Fall's latest and most approved style in derby or soft hat, buy a Mallory hat. Ask your dealer to show you our new Scotch finish soft hat. It is entirely new. E. A. Mallory & Sons, Inc. Salesroom: 13 Astor Place, cor. Broadway, New York Factory: Danbury, Conn. Store in New York: 1133 Broadway, cor. 26th Street Boston Store: 30 Boylston Street “A Wise Guy” In a New York street a wagon loaded with lamps collided with a truck and many of the globes were smashed. Con- siderable sympathy was felt for the driver as he gazed ruefully at the shat- tered fragments. A bencvolent-looking old gentleman eyed him compassion- ly. fy poor man,” he said, “I suppose you will have to make good this loss out of your own pocket?” Yep," was the melancholy reply. a nieyears}li “Well, well,” said the philanthropic old gentleman, “hold out your hat— here's a quarter for you; and I dare say some of these other people will give you a helping hand, too.” The driver held out his hat and sev- eral persons hastened to drop coins into it. "At last, ‘when’ the contributions had ceased, he emptied the contents of his hat into his pocket. Then, pointing to the retreating figure of the philanthro- pist who had started the collection, he observed: “Say, maybe he ain't the wise guy! That's me boss!”