Life — September 7, 1911 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Health Rules His consulted William Muldoon, Eugene Sandow, Dr. Woods Hut- chinson, J. Pierpont Morgan, Mayor Gaynor, Dr. William Robinson, Upton Sinclair and many other well known au- thorities on health, we are enabled to present the following rules, these being ~ the latest consensus of opinion: Eat nothing. Eat everything yoa want. Walk at Jeast ten miles ad: Do not stir unless you ride in a ¢ar- riage or some other vehicle. » Don't worry. It is absolutely necessary that you study yourself. Renrember, you are an animal. Chew food uptil nothing remains. Bolt everything. Only in this way will your stomach keep strong Never go on a vacation. Change is absolutely necessary. Eschew alcohol and tobacco. Smoke all you want to. Drink every- thing. Keep cool. Perspire profusely. 391 ART MR. UPTON HUYER IS AT WORK ON An Encounter NOTES ANOTHER OF HIS PAMOUS AIRSCAPES BY AGNES REPPLIER HUMBUG and a Plain Truth were strolling arm in arm through the streets’ of Corinth when they met Diogenes _ostentatiously thrusting his lantern into dark corners, in search of an honest man, “Here is a friend of mine,” said the Plain Truth. “He will be glad to see me.” And he stepped in the Philoso- pher’s path. Diogenes held the lantern in his face. The Plain Truth looked plainer than ever when the light shone on him, The Humbug stood by, simpering pleasantly. “You know me well,” said the Plain Truth to the Cynic. “ You have intro- duced me to the great ones of the world.” 3, I know you well,” said Diogends “T have parted from you with pleasure many times. Who is your engaging friend?" The Plain Truth snorted. “Even a Philosopher is caught by a pretty face,” he said. The worst thing about Truth,” re- marked Diogenes, “is that it utters tru- isms.” He turned to the Humbug. “Where do you live?” he asked. “TL live in*a tub,” said the Humbug sweetly. “It is a curious coincidence,” mused the Philosopher. “I thought nobody lived in a tub but myself. {£ should be sorry to sce the custom become univer- sal.” “That,” said the Plain Truth, “is because ; Diogenes waved his lantern. “ Par- don me,”.he interrupted. “I am not now investigating the origin of convictions, and I am not to be tempted to egotism.” He glaneed at the Humbug. “That is what I always say myself,” she mur- mured diffidently, and came a step nearer. The Plain Truth recoiled. “ Have you not proclaimed yourself my friend?” he asked Diogenes. ‘£The Philosopher nodded absent-mind- tedly “When you lowered the pride of the great Alexander, and bade him step out of your sunshine,” pursued the Plain Truth, “did you not speak in my name?” The Philosopher nodded again. He was looking hard at the Humbug, and wondering where he had seen her be- fore. “Oh, how well I remember that glori- ous day!” she whispered, and her face grew radiant at the recollection. Diogenes extinguished the lantern. In the darkness he felt the Humbug by his side. He;cleared his throat, preparatory to speaking in his best platform manner. “Come and see me to-morrow morning,” he said to the Plain Truth. “ A committee of the ‘ Corinth Society for Doing With- out," which has been recently formed in my honor, will wait upon me at noon. I shali address-them on the subject of the, Simple Life. They are excellent young men and will be pleased to meet you, At twelve o'clock sharp, remem- ber! Good night.” He moved away. “But where are you going?” the Plain Truth asked the Humbug. A soft voice in the darkness made re- ply, “To our tub,” it said. Crops HERE are to be lots of apples this year and lots of oranges: that is admitted even by the crop-scare artists. No serious disasters to the chewing-gum crop have been reported, and it is too soon yet to worry about ice. But as to the prospect for cotton, wheat, corn, oats and such things, uncertainty seems to obtain and bets are invited. comicbooks.com