Life — August 31, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Italics gx a prominent firm on the Discussing the market to-da The general tone is discreet ; On the whole, there is nothing to say. he bank statement? Some quarters dread it, But certain conservative powers Feel somewhat inclined to discredit These fears.” (The italics are ours.) “This ‘Social Unrest * is a fable,” Says J. Gathergold, king of fi “As business conditions grow stal Cost of living is bound to advance If the masses were not so misguided They would labor with all of their powers, Content with what Heaven has provided For their good.” (The italics are ours.) “On my page in the Inlook cach wel I shall speak of a number of things: Supreme-courts and song-birds and Greek, Religion and lions and kings, Norse Sagas, affairs diplomatic. Whatever disputable is— T cannot make this too emphatic. . R” (The italics are his.) But the rich and the evil. they’ve wrought, The Street with its phantoms and flurric To the Average Man are as naught, And T. R. is the least of his worries; The Social Unrest docsn’t daunt him, But the bane of his mundane affairs Is the bills of the tradesmen who haunt him: “Please remit.” (The italics are theirs.) E. O James. -LIFE- Chesterfield Writes to His Son The Famous Nobleman, Now Living in America, Gives Some Important Advice About the Conduct of a Young Man atest letter informs me of the progress you ing in the cultivation of those aces which are, of , Superfluitics for the merely useful man, which are necessities in the world of society which it is my fondest he ‘ou are destined 10 n. He informs me of your in- creased efficiency as a performer jew’s-harp and that your dancing-master is quite satisfied with your progress in learning the cake-walk. FE it accom=- plishments like these are bound to make you persona grata in our very best Amer- ican society, and are far more essential to your success than ere hook-learnin; or knowledge of practical use It has always been hly to your fond father that you have so far acquired no serious vices. The Count deghli Manincri, who is win America looking for a bride with a dower propor- tioned to the moi xe on the family es- tates, tells me that he t you in Venice and that you have so far conquered th “ gum-chew habit that you no longer Simian practice it in church and in other pub- LIE METCHNIKOFF, the great He Places. Tam glad to learn this, not French bacteriologist, cagerly: buys that gum-chewing is in itself a nefarious a live gorilla for three thousand dollars. He could buy a member of the Hlinois practic use the wise an will Legislature for half the money In America, gum-chewing is y only by men and women of the lower classes. Yesterday, owing Classical to an accident to my brougham, T was ed to travel a short distance in a E ICTE h ined so much no : ; toriety through Mayor Gaynor that St#et_€ar which was filled with young the fame of the old Greck has reached Harvard men and w all of them industri- chewing gu ht have 1, from the regula nd force ovement of their jaws, that they were furnishing the motive power for the yehicle. I mention this horrid spee- tacké only to in portance of con cc 10 your dressing-room or to those hours when you are in bed and the lights are out, I ing to you by this post and under cover of the American Ambassa- dor my own copy of Joc Miller's jest book. By memorizing some of the tales jests and repeating them at the vari- ous dinners to which my letters of intro- tion will secure you invitations, you will add to the brilliancy of the general rsation and secure for yourself a a. TE you es of ccle- brated and well-known persons—and here I am con to you a sceret A BREACH OF TRUST which is largely responsible for my own ¢ as a wit and man of the world— comicbooks.com