Life — August 24, 1911 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Chemicc-Metrical Madrigal 1 know a maiden, charming and true, With beautiful eyes hke the cobalt blue Of the borax bead, and 1 guess she'll do, If she hasn't another reaction. Her ‘orm is no bundle of toilet shams, Her beauty no boon of arsenical balms, And she weighs just sixty-two kilograms To a duo-decimal fraction. Her hair is a crown, f can truthfully state, ‘Tis a meter long, nor curly, nor straight, And ot is as yellow as plumbie chromate In a slightly acid solutien | And when she speaks, from parlor or stump, Tne words which gracefully gamboi and jump Sound sweet hike the water in Sprengel’s pump In magnesic phosfate ablution. One day I said, “I will leave you for years,” To try her love by rousing her fears; She shed a deciliter of tears, Turning brown the turmeric yellow. To dry her tears, I gave her, you know, A hectogram of candy; also To bathe her red eyes, HO; She said, “You're a naughty fellow Thave bought me a lot, about a hectare, And have built me a house ten meters square, And soon, I think, I shall take her there, My tart little acid radicl Perhaps little sailors on life's deep sea Will be the salts of this chemistry, And the lisp of the infantile A, B, C, Be the refrain of this madrig: —H. I, Wiley, United States Depart- ment of Agriculture, in Independent. Rivals A dollar and a penny once happened to be together in the same pocket, and the dollar began to put on airs. “Tam a big gun,” said the dollar, “and you are nobody. Iam white and bright, and you dull, mud-colored little Indian. jous, for I am all the time sa ing, ‘In God we trust,’ and you are only pagan. Iam patriotic, for on one side Ihave the American cagle and on the other the Goddess of Liberty, and I buy lots of fireworks on the Fourth of July. -passenger Garford Cars. Four passen- fers Looked per car, allowing perfect All expense tour. Beat hotels only. Stop-over eacli Coast to Coast by Auto Le. New York Oct. 2. Ar. Los Angeles Dec. 1. Sunday. Send for map and Uterature. RAYMOND & WHITCOMB Co. Beton New York Philadelphia Pitisharg Detroit FOR _g MEN OF BRAINS “MADE AT KEY WEST IGARS DR. GIVENS’ SANITARIUM diseases. rug patie Stamford, Conn. Kelly- Springfield Automobile Tires lt takes time and money to go the rounds of all makes of tires, but the man who arrives at the Kelly- Springfield Tire stays there. It is the quality of the rubber composi- tion that gives the service, and the secret of this rubber composition we learned during fifteen years of experience in making carriage tires. The two Kelly-Springfield Tires bought from you about a year ago given excellent satisfaction, ne of them ran 5,239 miles without a puncture and the ohet 5,223 milee wih aly two ponctues. ‘This record is so remarkable that I have ordered a new equipment {rom the Kelly-Spriogbeld Company for my car. H.C. MATHER, President, ‘Chas, H. Moore Oi! Co., Cincinati, Orie. Specify Kelly Springfield Tires on your automobile. They cost no more tban any first-class tire and are better Consolidated Rubber Tire Co. 20 Vesey Street, New York Branch Offices in New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston, St. Louis, Detroit, Cincinnati, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Cleveland, Atlanta and Akron, Ohio, Seneca Rubber Co., Buffalo, N. Y. §€SARAGE BEAUTIFUL I am Heavenly-minded, for I have stars (o think about and you don’t have anything. I am precious, for I am nice 281 Use pou mat 4s wean bright silver and everybody wants me; WORKING. but you are the base copper and nobody FRE PLANS cares x snap for you.” “That may all be so,” said the poor little penny. “ You may be more patriotic than T am and more religious than I am, but I go to church more than you do and am oftener found in the contribution box than you are,” replied the penny. —L A Recipe for Good Manners | Of Unselfishness, three Of the Tincture of ounce, Of the Essence of Heart's drachms, Of the Extract of the Rose of Sharon, four ounces. 1s Republican, | drachms. vod Cheer, one three Of the Oil of Charity, three drachms a oe ao a : s. ‘tse’ applicant, an cur’ eupplg,ot slacere Wore, and no scruples. poy raped Of the Infusion of Common Sense and Tact, one ounce. | Of the Spirit of Love, two ounces. The mixture to be taken whenever there is a symptom of selfishness, exclu- siveness, meanness, or I-am-better-than- you-ness. ' 293 Pitless Auto Turntable Co. ORANO AVENUE standing ask any Bank or Commercial ‘Agency in Kansas City comicbooks.com