Life, 1911-08-03 · page 18 of 40
Life — August 3, 1911 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of early-20th-century American humor: **"The Rime of the Ancient Mariner"** parodies Coleridge's poem, substituting "Uncle Sam" for the mariner. It mocks American intervention in China during the "Open Door" policy era, portraying the U.S. as an unwelcome interloper at China's affairs—Uncle Sam arrives uninvited to the "Dragon's" (China's) wedding feast, claiming kinship merely because he can offer loans. The satire critiques American imperialism disguised as familial obligation. **"His Only Chance"** presents a departing hotel guest delivering backhanded compliments about awful conditions (screaming babies, loud phonographs, noisy hens, rocky beach, poor service, cold food). The joke: he's sending his wife there to "get even"—the real revenge is subjecting her to the same misery. **"Nicotine"** is a humorous poem worshipping tobacco as a goddess, using religious language ironically. The bottom cartoon shows a millionaire forbidden to smoke, calling a laborer "lucky fellow"—inverting class hierarchy's typical privileges.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ral Blige ote The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (A Tale of the China Seize) T is an ancient Mariner Who stoppeth one of two— “Hold off, unhand me, greybeard loon, Pray, who the deuce are you? ‘The Dragon's door is open wide, And we are next of kin, The guests are met, the feast is set— But where do ypu come in?” He holds them with his eagle eye, Then answers like a lamb: “Tam the Dragon's Uncle, boys, Tam his Uncle Sam. (An ‘Uncle’ who can make a loan Stands very near the Dragon's throne) And that is what I am.” The wedding guests here beat their breasts, It was an awful bore, To hear the claims of Uncle Sam, (For which they did not care a —) At China's Open Door. Caused a Breakdown “QO you have had a long siege of nervous prostration? * we say to the haggard author, “What caused it? Overwork?” “In a way, yes,” he answers weakly, “I tried to do a novel with a Robert W. Chambers hero and a Mary E. Wilkins heroine. Nicotine NEat little goddess, I. worship but thee, INto thy temple from sorrow I flee. CIrcles of incense I burn at thy shrine, OThers may worship their women and wine. TOiling, rejoicing, I find all but thee ICily comfortless, goddess of glee. Night time or day time I can as I please, ENter thy temple and be at my case. c. 0. 0. His Only Chance HE quiet, well mannered gentleman who had been staying at the summer hotel stepped up to the counter and paid his bill, preparatory to departure. “You have a nice place here,” he observed pleasantly. “There were three babies in the room next to mine, and they appeared to be healthy infants, judging by the sounds they made.” Still, it was all righ Fine place for children,” said the proprietor, with a non- committal aspect. “Glad you have enjoyed yoursclf, sir.” “Very much! Splendid phonograph you have. Don’t think I ever heard a better instrument. Admire the manner in which you kept it going morning, noon and night, for the benefit of quiet people like myself. “That's zood.” “Glad you gave me a room over the kitchen. I don’t re- quire more than fifteen minutes’ sleep every night anyway. Great mistake to waste one’s time in sleep in a gorgeous place like this. Can’t say, however, that I took any particular shine to some of your porch hens. Still, one must be ‘a captious critic to complain.” “Yes?” “Hard to get any writing paper from your clerks. Worse than an interview with the Bureau of Printing and Engraving. But I managed fairly well “ Indeed?” “Your beach is rather full of stones. Notice this limp? Not that I mind! Rather good for onc, eh? to have a limp? Suggests gout-aristocrat.” Too bad! Don’t mention it. Fine place you have here. Never ate any better cold storage food anywhere. Sorry to leave you.” Why, are you going?” asked the proprictor with well ned composure. “Simply got to. Summer going fast, and I must send my wife here to spend the rest of season. Got to get even some- how, you know.” HERE ignorance is bliss 'tis folly for the courts to ren- der decisions which the people can understand. Millionaire (forbidden to smoke): Lucky rettow!