Life — July 27, 1911 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

146 We despair. therefore say to all the women in America, Do not No matter how old you are, or how generally hope- less, we can work wonders. We can take a dumpy figure, that looks like a bag of Indian meal tied in the middle, and in a few weeks produce a chic coquette, with that indefinable air of distinguished ease which places our patrons on the pinnacle of power. The object of We take care of everybody ly salesmanship, and invite all good-looking young women for This department is under the charge of one of the most accomplished dressmakers in the country, who has spent a life- gowns to the clite, and she understands her nly. We teach every trick ‘is League, however, is all comprehensive. We have just established a school of | 10 apply a position. time in selli business thorou of salesmanship, and among other things The proper psychological dress an elderly lady as“ miss.” The proper moment to address a young lady as “ Madam.” How to make a fat woman think that she is growing thin, 1 sell a two-hundred-dollar gown to a young woman whose husband is on the verge of bankruptey. In ten lessons we make you an adept in any form of de- In fact, in only one Iesson we can teach you that inde- le air of superiority to all customers which is so neces- How fin sary to the modern saleslady in a dressmaking establishment one of the numerous departments which we are constantly adding to the Li comprehensive establishment in the world. now perfecting is the This is 0} uc, thus making it the most Another depart- which we are nouveau riche di for the into nent those of who have don’t our cus’ know use of ners and partment, just come how to We vulgarity in ten it takes longer. We recommend our # : patrons to go in clubs of ten, as they help cach other. No er how lowly your beginning may have been, if you have money and society and to learn we can place you in the money how conceal your teach you lessons; in some cases ne rich wish to break int how to wear clothes, irom one to three years, according t obstacles we have to overcome. four weeks a la who at iress ina West- Only sa head la z camp, and who had m four tried a ade wine, applied to us. She now velvet. slippers with arned how to handle n speak simple opera Eny wears high-heeled lori lish, and has reduced her waist by nearly Not only this, but she has disposed of enough jewelry (which under no circumstances would we permit her to wear) to more than pay for the whole tuition After you have taken a few lessons il, we wil etle, © cighteen inches, nd seem a promising pu in- troduce you to some of our really refined and ultra customers, and thus ultimately set, ata cost hun- to your ne in the exclusive running all the way from ten to one folly: on, dred thousand dollars, accord © and previous condition. Papa! ‘LAPP Ee We teach you everything. How to enter and leave a drawing room or a Turkish bath. How to roll a cigarette, How to select a tiara. The difference between pronounce can't and shan't, How to mix a cocktail, have a téte d tére with a foreign lord, and what to read. How to conduc end. What to do with a guest when he gets drunk unexpectedly. How to visit in Newport. We omit nothing. When you have taken our course, no one would know that you were not to the manor born. In three weeks we give you aplomb, In three weeks we nother three weeks we produce in We make you basé in three We teach you who whom” and how to ore give you savoir faire. In you an obvious nonchalance. months and comme il faut in six. To cultivate a languid air, An accent up to date; When you may act quite debonnair, And when to lic (in state). We teach you how to sit upon A stranger, or a yacht; To cat your soup, approach a group, To use your knife (or not). We teach you how to win at bridg: When to say “damn!” (or worse), What rings to wear (also what hair), What slang 10 intersperse. No matter how hopelessly vulgar you are, there is hope POLLY SAYS I'M TOO FAT, YOU DON'T THINK I'M TOO Fat, DrORTIE, DO YoU Dr. Holdforth: 100 PAT YOR WHAT? comicbooKeem