Life, 1911-06-29 · page 17 of 45
Life — June 29, 1911 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical advice column titled "Dolls," ostensibly offering newlywed husbands guidance on honeymoon behavior and married life. The illustration shows five fashionably dressed figures from the early 1900s—likely representing different types of women or wives. The satire works through ironic, cynical "advice" that mocks both grooms' anxieties and matrimonial dynamics. It warns against excessive spending on brides, cautioning that early lavishness will be weaponized later as proof of love. Other tongue-in-cheek tips counsel emotional restraint, financial manipulation, and strategic silence with in-laws. The column's closing joke—that the "Husbands' Correspondence Bureau" is closing for vacation and readers should "remain absolutely passive" during family crises—punctures the authority of the entire advice-giving enterprise. The satire targets middle-class marital anxieties and the then-popular "advice column" genre by exposing the absurdity of reducing marriage to calculated strategies and emotional suppression.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
the bridegroom should permit himself to be so reckless in the use of money, The worst of it is, that while the bride is seemingly unconscious of the expendi- ture, a little later on, when the unhappy husband tries to get back to normal ways, she is sure to remind him that there was a time when he really loved her and didn’t seem to care how much he spent on her. Brothers, go slow! Don’t go so far as to make a business of securing an attic bridal chamber at the minimum rate, but be satisfied with a modest room with Southern exposure on the fourth or fifth floor. Be guarded in your expressions. An occasional “pet” or “darling,” if ut- tered in a dignified manner, will do no harm, but remember that you cannot be expected to run a lovey-dovey marathon race every spring for the rest of your married life. Cut out all side trips. If you yield to Dolls their seductive charm during the honey- moon you will always be making them. If, however, you have married a lady of means, spend your own moncy freely —even recklessly. Later on, when you have to place a necessary loan with her, you will be able to call attention to the fact that while your own lasted you never denied her anything. Do not write home and tell what a grand time you are having, just because you feel good. Many a man has been handicapped all his life by starting a correspondence with his wife’s relatives. They always respect you for your si- lence, Don't get nervous and wire us im- mediately after your first quarrel. But if you run along for six months without any quarrel, better drop us a line. It will help in the future in disposing of your case. Don’t get back home a minute sooner than you had arranged for in the be- ginning. It may cost you a trip around the world ten years later, Introduce your bride to your little de- fects gradually. Remember, there is no hurry. It is better to be natural. Many a husband has hurt himself in his wife's esteem by being over-conscientious in letting her know too soon just what he really is. Always maintain your dignity. When you have been married about twenty-five years—with our help—you can frivol and make a fool of yourself and still keep your wife’s respect. Don’t let anybody know that you are on your honeymoon. It always pays to think you are keeping the world guessing. In the meantime, our office will be temporarily closed for the next six days, as we have decided to give everybody concerned a vacation. In case cf any crisis during this interval in your family life, remain absolutely pas- sive and wait patiently for our return. Huspanps’ Corresronpence Bureau. arisin comicbooks.com