Life — June 1, 1911 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“YY7HY not go on a honeymoon?” The agent of the American Matrimonial Adjustment Company had, , moment before, imperceptibly slipped ato Ashton’s office with that rare skill which comes to artists in the canvassing What do you mean?” asked Ashton, If you will give me about a minute ui your time, I will explain.” Go on.” My company supplies brides for Now, sir, don’t get impa- conclusions, W. ot and jump at util Tam through.” But why should I go on a honey: oon?" Simply because it is one of the fun- clemental, absorbing experi- No man can be a com- All the sentiment, lamental, nees of life. plete man without it. ll the tenderness and poetry, all of the supreme ecstasy of life is concentrated nio that wonderful period. You are man of wealth. One by one you ive tried all of the things that money sn buy—and exhausted them—except this, which we can offer you at a rice that will astonish you, Every possible avenue of pleasure is open to 1; all the higher feelings focussed into a delirium of bliss, which for you, who are a practical business man, will Il the greater after a life of hard It's all perfectly simple; we supply you with a bride—an unex- ceptionable bride, and we make all the arrangements; we have several classes of honeymoons, There is the lone- honeymoon, quiet country inn, old-fashioned buggy rides, bucolic joys and communing with Nature. Then there is the panorama honeymoon, Pull- man cars, Niagara, Yosemite, mountain scenery, splendid hotels, moving human- ity, in which you enjoy, with a sympa- thetic soul, all of the architectural beau- ties of your country. If you would like a European honeymoon, which is our most popular one, we can offer you any number of varieties.” Ashton was interested. That morn- ing, sitting in his lonely bachelor apart- ments eating a solemn breakfast, he had secretly longed for companionship. Lonesomeness is the curse of celibacy. At the same time, Ashton knew better than to get married. He had figured the thing all out on paper and for him it was not worth the price. “How about the bride?” he asked. “She is the natural evolution of the Rfeat_ woman's movement that is now work, some - LC EFSE: Honeymoons for All sweeping over the world. The principle we went on when we started our won. derful business—with branches now in every city—was that there were in this world any number of women of the best families, rich, if you will, accomplished and handsome, who wanted to devote their lives either to art, to literature or to politics, as the case may be, and who, like yourself, desired to have the ex- perience of a honeymoon before they settled down, so to speak, into their life work. It was our business to find them and we have done it. We bring you together by a scientific process. Now, in your, case, let's see: you are about five feet cight, with dark hair, brown eyes, aquiline nose and a nervous, ener- getic temperament. Hum—ah, you will require a delightful little blonde, with a retroussé nose. By Jove, I have just the one! And if she doesn’t suit I can offer you others. What do you say?” “Can I take a good look at them first ? “Sure. We give a complete demon- stration. Have her to yourself for an afternoon; you understand, of course, that she may not like you. It must be But I can assure you that with our experience we make very few mis- takes. Occasionally we have to try again, but such is our judge of tempera- ment that we can usually suit both par- ties on the first go off “What's the price?” “Five thousand dollars. This in- cludes all railroad tickets, hotel bills, every possible attention, couriers when necessary, for six weeks, anywhere in the world. We bring you back to your office just as you were before, after hav- ing been through the finest experience in the world—necessary, in fact, to every human being in order to know the real meaning of life.” “Isn't that high?” “For what you get? I should say not! If you prefer a widow, of course, I can bring it down to $3,000, but I wouldn't advise it. Do it right!” Ashton considered. “T rather incline to your proposition,” he said at last, “with the understand- ing, of course, that you can carry out your programme as outlined, after I have submitted the matter to my at- torney, but——" “That's perfectly agreeable to us. Our contracts are passed on already by the best legal talent in the country. Will furnish bond if you desire, at a slight extra cost. Possibly this afternoon you mutual, would like to have a demonstration?” “Why, yes, only—" Ashton leaned forward. “One more thing occurs to me,” he said. “Suppose by any possibility, cither of us should want to secure a divorce; it might be awkward. I've seen sober friends of mine make fools of themselves and I myself realize that I might do the same thing. “We understand that perfectly and have a plan that we find is perfectly de- vised to this contingency. In case you should desire to continue, why we charge you at the rate of five thou sand dollars every year as long as the arrangement lasts. You may be enthu- siastic at first, you understand, but after you have been paying out a regular sum of a hundred dollars a week—well, it discourages permanent love. sir, it’s a perfect our modern age and its intense require ments it works perfectly. Instead of running your own risk and paying ali mony all the rest of your life, you pay for being married, and when you want to quit we make all the arrangements. What do you say to four o'clock this afternoon. I'li send my car.” “ Done.” cover You see, system, and for One morning, two months later, the door of Ashton’s office opened quietly and the graceful figure of the represen- tative of the American Matrimonial Ad- justment Company entered. “Well, sir,” he said, as he shook hands, “how was it?” “Tam bound to say that you have filled your contract in every particular. 1 am so pleased that I shall be glad to write you out an enthusiastic letter of praise, which you are at liberty to use. “Thanks very much. That's the way we like to have our customers talk. And now atout the future. Do you wish to continue, or shall I present you with your release papers?” Ashton reached forward for his check- book. “Send over the papers at once,” he replied decisively, “and from this date you can put me down as a regular cus- tomer for six honeymoons a year.” “In that case,” replied the agent quietly, as he took out his order book, we will, of course, allow you our regu- lar discount of 20 per cent. Good morn- ing, sir, and thanks for the order. I'll send the car at four, as usual.” T. LM. Comicbooks.com