Life — May 18, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Husbands’ ‘ THE ELBOW BENDEK Ww are not looking for trouble, but when it comes our way we meet it cheerfully and courageously. Recently we had occasion to make the statement that we had reduced all wives to twenty eight types, and several hot-headed ladie: have been calling upon us and demand- ing an explanation in person; that’s the trouble with some women—they seem to take everything personally. Our long experience has given us per- fect self-control and we have no fear— after conducting this Bureau for so many years—that anything can happen to us. At the same time, in view of our large responsibilities and the great number of husbands who are dependent upon our advice, we deem it safe not to see any lady caller in person. Besides, it has been our experience that any one who occupies the prominent position be- fore the public that we do should never make himself too common, The my: tery that surrounds us must be pre- served intact. The following letter, however, voices fairly the attitude of most of our mistaken lady critics, and we therefore give it in full: Dear Sir: I notice your characteristic and outra- Reous statement about twenty-eight types of wives, among whom you mention “the hug- ‘LiFe: ger,” “the shopper,” ete. If I could have a short interview with you, I think I could get you to retract some of those definitions, but as you are guarded so closely, and this scems impossible, I should like to call your attention to the fact that when you come to slandering women there is just a little some- thing to be said on the other side. Hew about some types of husbands? have in mind a few, as follows: The Mixer, Maybe you know this man. He is the sort who is always such a good fel- low to everybody away frem home; with such delightful manners, such splendid company Ile’s always lending money to his friends, and “keeping his end up,” as they say, and is loved and honored by everybody who knows him—outside of his own home. But at home, you know, he scarcely says a word from one meal to another, and he is always playing mean little tricks on his poor wife, wio not only has to stand his meanness, but has to listen with a smile to all the compli- ments she hears about him from the outside. The Elbow Bender. This is the lovely hus- band who is always taking a little too much, and who comes home at all hours of the night. Of course the professional funny men make fun of him,-and he is really an old story, but the reality is not so funny as it seems. He is the kind, you know, who is always going to stop. The water wagon for him next week; and in the meantime his wife and family are kept in a continuous agony. Perhaps you know him, The Petticoater. 1 think you must know this husband pretty well, because you seem to make a business of encouraging him so much, He's the one who is always pretend ing that he loves his dear little wifey so much, but he has so much to do that he can’t always stay at home nights, Some day he runs off with another woman, and his friends all say that he did it because he wasn’t treat ed right. And you, with the “tall handsome blonde” you boast about, and your enter- tainment committee—maybe I wouldn't like to get my hands on them! The Grinder. Tl guarantee you know this husband, He's the one who never gives his wife a cent under any circumstances, while he is spending all kiads of money on himrelf, If she so much as hints at money to him he takes her head off, until the poor creature’s lite becomes a secret terror. Well, I could go on and name some more, but what's the use? And you are the one who pretends to bring married people to- gether! Never mind! The time is coming when creatures like you will be placed where they belong. Sara —. © We have looked this lady's husband up on our books and find that he has been under treatment at this office for the past eight months. We have returned all of his money to him and notified him that he is wasting time to continue Correspondence Bureau treatment. We were once married to a lady like that and can therefore speak personally about the matter. At the same time, since that fatal pe- riod, our heart has expanded, our sym- path broadened and deepened, our experience has grown immeasurably : and while under ordinary circumstances we should dismiss this lady’s communi- cation with the silence that it so richly deserves, we recognize that she speaks for others, and, as a matter of business, it pays to dispose of her statements This lady misconceives the entire ob- ject of the Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau. Her reflections against the tall handsome blonde on the right as you enter, and who is now guarding over the destiny of some of our most critical cases, is unworthy of her. What is the real secret of our un- precedented success and which enables us to solve so many marital heart prob- lems? It is because we have in mind constantly not only all the types of hus- bands which our friend mentions with so much seeming pathos, but also all other types as well. We know them all and it is our business to bring them out of the slough of despondency and their own shortcomings, and—through the able ministrations of our able Entertainment Committee—to make them see the world and their own place in it with a true on. Our friend must remember that we THE GRINDER comicbooks.com