Life — April 13, 1911 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WING to the delicate nature of our r@ationship with our custom- ers, and owing, also, to the fact that we are obliged to conduct this business on a business basis, we cannot undertake to answer free all questions received. Occasionally, however, we find ourselves in a generous mood. We realize at these times that money is of no conse- quence and that our first duty is to hu- manity. We take pleasure, therefore, in replying to the following correspond- ent: Dear Sir:—Before placing my case in your hands, please inform me what is your method of cure. Do you treat me or my wife? Do you claim any occult power, of are your methods frankly materialistic? Shall \- form my wife that IT am placing myself in your hands, or would I better keep silent? Give me full particulars. G pD—. We get a great many letters like this and might as well dispose of them once and for all. We employ no hypnotism nor any occult power; we don’t need to. ‘either do we treat the wife directly, but only through the husband. The moment you place yourself under our control, the effect upon your wife is marked. For one thing, we banish fear. The mere feeling of confidence in us is everything to the average husband in ress, He knows that back of him is an organization founded on years of scientific observation and the profound- est knowledge of the human heart. This alone is worth the price of our en- trance fee. Immediately upon receiving HOMER ‘LI PE - Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau MIGHBROW application we require a full description of the wife. This enables us to place her in our matrimonial chart, based on very intricate figures, It may interest our correspondent to know, for exam- ple, that we have. reduced all wives to twenty-eight types. Some of these are: The Nagger (under this head are blonde and brunette naggers, plain, fancy and complex). The Highbrow (this includes all in- tellectual types—plain, fancy, neurotic, musical, artistic, hero worshippers, 4ong and short hair, etc.). The Hugger (under this head are kissers, squeczers, baldhead smackers, clingers, strangle-holders, weepers and you-don't-love-me-any-more sighers). The Gadder (shoppers, neighborhood visitors, drag-you-outers, etc.) The Fretter (always-looking-on-the- dark-siders, brooders, trouble mongers, wan smilers, worricrs, etc.). The Clothes Horse (all types of dress- ers, hobble skirters, lingerie cravers, spenders, get-into-debters, ete.). The Queen (this type includes all ex- tremes between the minimum of intel- lect and maximum of good looks—the kind that looks well on parade, but use- less for any other purpose) Dominator (wants - everything - her- own-way type, servant dispellers, latch key controllers, furniture movers, etc.). Homers (including all domestic styles, knitters, crocheters, sock darners, fect soakers, red flannel fiends, doctor com- pellers, etc.). The Doubter (all victims of jealousy, trap layers, stair watchers, reproachers, letter openers, eye searchers, etc.). The Good Sport (bridge players, cigaretters, race trackers, bifurcators, golfers, Wall Strect flyers, ete.). The Tombstoner (all invalids, sani- tarium devotees, temperature takers, grow worsers, no hopers, pale facers, chronic tea gowners, etc.). These are only a few of the types that we have scheduled at this office. When we have a full description of wife, in- cluding age, weight, complexion, char- acteristics, we lay out a course of treat- ment based on a scientific study of the case. But after all the observations have been made, it must be remembered that our success is due to a certain genius we have for the conduct of this busi- ness. We were born with an overwhelming desire to bring husbands and wives to- gether and an absolute fearlessness of methods, so long as we accomplish our result. That is why we fly in the face of custom and cordially invite all newly HUGGER comicbooks.com