Life, 1911-01-26 · page 34 of 44
Life — January 26, 1911 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the women's suffrage movement through humorous poetry contests. The central cartoon depicts a disheveled married man, representing the feared consequence of female voting rights. The satirical pieces mock anti-suffrage anxieties: "The Yarn of the Married Man" presents a husband reduced to cooking and housework after his wife gained the vote in 1910, his life destroyed by "waves of reform." The parody of religious psalms ("Twenty-three") portrays a suffragette wife as an instrument of domestic chaos and neglect. "Why Not Marry a Suffragette?" sarcastically lists absurd "solutions" needed before suffragettes can be wives—including tabloid child-rearing instructions and gramaphone attachments. The humor targets contemporary fears that women voting would abandon domestic duties, destroy marriages, and create chaos at home. These pieces represent *anti-suffrage* satire—mocking both the movement and male anxieties about women's independence and political power threatening traditional gender roles.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Life’s Suffragette Contest XLVII The Yarn of the Married Man (With epotogies to W. S. Gilbert) ‘Twas a dreary day in December gra: Ere Nineteen-Fifty began, That 1 saw alone, on a curbing stone, An elderly married man. His coat was scedy, his hair was long. And seedy and long was he; And I heard this wight on the curb recite In a high falsetto key: “Oh, I am a cook and a housemaid bold, And the lady of our flat, And a familee of children three, And female kids, at that.” And he shook his fists and he tore his hair, Till { really felt afraid; For I couldn't help thinking the man had been drinking, And so I simply said “How can you be a cook and a house- maid bold, And the lady of your flat, And a familee of children three, And female kids, at that?” Then he gave a hitch to his trousers, which Were sadly in need of a darn, And when we were sitting, he took out his knitting, And spun this painful yarn: “'Twas in the spring of Ninetcen-Ten We sailed the connubial sea, And we kept afloat till ma got the vote, Which was the undoing of me. “One desperate day she was swept away On a flood of argument, And after some strife I became house- wife— Which it wasn’t for what I was meant. “There was me and the cook and the housemaid bold, And the hitherto-mentioned chicks, But the maid and the cook took to wri a book, For to purify politics. “Then the babes and their dad didn’t go on so bad, Till the youngest was twenty-three, When a wave of reform in a feminine storm Swept my darlings away from me . . . . . . . “And I never smoke and I never joke, Except in a bitter way; My notion of wit, as I sit and knit, Is anon and anon to say: “Oh, I am a cook and a housemaid bold, And the lady of our flat, And a familee of children three, And female kids, Anna Constr Hucnes. Notice to Contestants This contest closed on December 31, 1910, no manuscripts received after that date being considered, On account of the number of manu- seripts still to be read by the judges, we are unable, at this writing, to give the date of the prize award. But it will be as soon as possible, XLVIII Twenty-three My wife is a suffragette; I shall not be happy. She maketh me to lie down in un- made beds: She leadeth me beside the troubled waters: She harasseth my soul: She leadeth me into the paths of desperation for the vote’s sake. Yea, though I scale the very heights of human achievement, I shall know no joy, for thou art with me: thy rot and thy strife they distress me. Thou preparest no table before me in the presence of my friends, thou annoyest my head with moil. My cup runneth empty. Surely neglect and discord shall fol- low me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in a disordered house for- ever, A, L. Bronson, XLIX Why Not Marry a Suffragette > The invention of holeproof hosiery has dissipated the chief argument against universal suffrage. But there still remain a few minor matters which must be arranged before domestic bliss can exist with the dual ballot. “Training for children” will have to be put up in tabloid form, chocolate coated, so that it may work on the little dears “while they sleep.” A “Mother's knee” attachment will have to be devised for the gramaphone before it can be entrusted with the entire responsibility of ing Bobbie his me.” Printed postcards are an ex- cellent device for transmi! expressions -of affection tween father and mother when they do not see each other very often, but the children are so apt to become absorbed in the colored pictures and miss the sentiment altogether. Some of the new vacuum cleaners have an attachment for mas- saging mother’s complexion, but there will have to be another for washing Willie's cars, Also, there will have to be devised some kind of an automatic quick repair outfit for first aid if there happens to be a nail in the cellar door. Mother's kisses can be put up in little packages like the Santa Claus stickers that we use at Christmas time. The only objection would be that the children might apply them to the piano keys and table tops instead of where intended. Then inquisitive neighbors might wonder why Mrs.— went out so much if her home was so dear to her that she bestowed affectionate kisses on each article of furniture. Lares and Penates can be shoved into the electric toaster after breakfast, and they will not realize how cold hu- manity has grown when Ma goes to the caucus, But they are old Roman deities and their worship was idola- trous anyhow, so it is time that they be put aside. In those states where progressive po- litical ideas prevail it will be necessary to have a new name for the beginners’ department of the Sunday School to avoid confusion in the minds of the children when Ma and Pa talk about the big scrap at the primary. Good old Mother Necessity has never failed us yet, but the Stork will have to bring them in pairs and triples if there are to be sufficient inventions to produce a hymencal haven when the petticoats plunge into politics. Harvey MILLER. L Johnny had a Suffragette Johnny had a suffragette, (He married her, you know) And everywhere that Johnny went That suffragette would go. She followed him to vote one day, Which was against the rule; It made that precinct laugh and joke To see her play the fool. (Concluded on page 229) comicbooks.com