Life — January 19, 1911 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Life’s Suffragette Contest XLII A Symposium of Reasons Being a female, aged fifty- three, white, and not a suffra- gette, I give Lire a symposium of the views of a group of men. A composite picture of a suf- fragette, it seemed to me, would be unique, so I interviewed these fellows: Their stations in life are varied, so are their ages and nationalities : Coal Dealer, thirty-five:—" Never saw one was any good.” Bond Man:—“ Because a woman can't ‘tend to two jobs at the same time.” Jewele: “ Too dictatorial. Attorney :—" Because she would make a man feel he was unnecessary in the management of affairs of government.” Lumber Man:—‘ Because I want a wife and no boss.” Banker:—"I have yet to see the first good-looking suffragette.” Merchant : No thrills go with a suf- fragette.” Corporation Lawyer:—“ Just as lief marry a lunatic.” Dry Goods Merchant :—“ In all my ex- perience 1 have yet to see a soft and gentle suffragette, and a man hates a mannish woman.” Tailor :—“ Suffragette and good looks at the same time? Never!” Real Estate Man:—‘ When they re- cruit their ranks with young beauties I may consider the matter.” Professor of Languages: “The very thougit of their distorted minds makes me shudder.” College Professor :—“ Woman must al- lure man by magnetic womanliness and sweetness. The psychology of the suffra- gette precludes all that.” Druggist: “A nice, cold lobster, right off the ice, would give me just as much pleasure. A. Philosopher :—" Because woman's primal reason for being is thus frus- “‘The suffragette is sex- Louise Marxscnerrer. Why a Man Should Not Marry a Suffragette Because it would be like marrying a nervous disease. A man wants a wife not an hallucina- tion. Men should marry real women. They need the inspiration. A suffragette is a caricature, Frequently men frisk about the meadows of romance chasing new femi- nine specimens. Notice to Contestants This contest closed on December 31, 1910, no manuscripts received after that date being considered. On account of the number of manuscripts still to be read by the judges, we are unable, at this writ- ing, to give the date of the prize award. But it will be as soon as possible. And when they net a showy one they pin it up proudly to srritate their brother hunters. But they do not marry specimens. And they should not wed she-politicians. The only successful womer politicians belong to an old and improper profession. Real women always remain amateurs at-a man’s game. They try to be devilish but it tells on them, Suffragettes are delusions. Ninety- nine of them do not actually know what they are howling about. The hundredth is looking for personal gain of some sort. Imitation, they say, is the sincerest form of insult. The suffragette endeavors to express her disapproval of man by wrestling with & policeman for the vote. Equality of sex will never prove itself in that way but by a true balance of in- dividual and ethical values. The suffragette unconsciously argues that men are he-women and women she- men. The woman in politics will always re- semble a butterfly sweeping out a refuse barrel with its wings. Men should marry women—not she- lions or goddesses. If a flying Victory were to alight on the hearthstone of a modern man he would see nothing more admirable in her than her immediate flight. And when the lioness had grown tired lashing her tail and growling at things as they are he would leave home with the first fluffy angora who purred to him with her velvet paws clasped firmly at the base of his brain. Kate Masterton. XLIV Wouldst Have Your Abode Made A Nest for Shouting Howling Orators Upholding Loud Declarations, Nagging On Tempestuously? Then don't Marry A Reckless Ridiculous Yelling Ardent Suffering Unattractive Foolish Feminine, Ruthlessly Assaulting Gentlemen, Ever Trying To Elucidate. Eizapetn W. Gwynne. XLV Mathematical Reasons Why a Man Should Not Marry a Suffragette PROPOSITION : Since it is not good that man should be alone (Genesis, II and XVIII), there- fere a man should not marry a suffra- A B Let A be a man and B a suffragette; It is required to prove that A should not marry B. Let A marry B. Now, since it is not good for A to be alone (Gene: II and XVIII), B must be joined to A mentally, morally and physically. But this is absurd, since B is joined mentally, morally and physically to “ The Since “The Cause” must be always opposed to A (axiom) then A should not marry B. That is, since it is not good that man should be alone, a man should not marry a suffragette. J. R. Syeppen (Concluded on page 155) comicbooks.com