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Life, 1911-01-05 · page 86 of 104

Life — January 5, 1911 — page 86: what you’re looking at

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Life — January 5, 1911 — page 86: Life, 1911-01-05

What you’re looking at

This page is primarily advertising with a humorous "fortune teller" feature mocking matrimonial prospects. The right column presents mock horoscopes for people born in January, paired with illustrated male faces representing "your future husband" numbered 1-11. The satire targets marriage itself: each "fortune" describes an undesirable wife (vain, neurotic, overly religious, wasteful, unfaithful) paired with an equally flawed husband (near-sighted, corrupt, reformed drunk, color-blind, toupee-wearer, coward). The jokes suggest that marriage is guaranteed disappointment—whichever numbered husband you get, you'll regret it. The left side advertises Londonderry lithia water and Old Hampshire Bond stationery. The water ad emphasizes "native purity" and alkaline health properties typical of early-20th-century patent medicine marketing. The humor reflects Era anxieties about matrimony as an inescapable, usually miserable social obligation.

📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ay HE native purity of Lon- donderry is guarded as a precious thing. It’s bottled in sterilized glass and comes | under’ sperfect ‘seal to’ your Mf LIFE'S INFALLIBLE FORTUNE TELLER home and table. f : If you were born on Being exceedingly pleasant to the taste, Londonderry in its January effervescent form is a most ] Sf delightful table water, either e ‘a Your ttaure wie alone or combined with other y will become stage- ‘Your future husband #2 b struck In the third sallsbe lence everages, year of your mar- near-sighted, but fied life.” You will a eat acu wish that the au- that as an excuse thors of “I when you find him ec Basing your best end. “@B Your future wile ‘Your future husband s@- Physicians recommend Londonderry both as a SAI have w lean of will be elected cor- oner, and being ieee and as a Protector of health. Itis peculiarly Seals and gs, you Nain‘ the fact will able in its alkaline properties. air the domestic [asist oa your dress valuable Prope: le Ia your home 6 ing up and occupy- A . ba ing a front seat at The sparkling (effervescent) in the usual three piplonrege pred every. Inquest $0 table sizes.’ The plain (still) in half-gallon bottles. 4 ing windows. give tone to. the Ask for Londonderry at the cafe or hotel and — when travelling. An attractive brochure on London- we vow future wile Your(ueure bubend 6a 5 é will be a most un- wi a reformed derry will be mailed on request. Masonable ‘person, Tehbk aad od will and object to your "J have to endure be- LONDONDERRY LITHIA H bringing your ing cut off from the mother and five acquaintance o} SPRING WATER CO., maiden sisters. to your Jewish neigh live with you. will not know enough to come in ral punishment Se oe ce ea ; 2 ye i = Do the Letters You Mail ae * sheleequlpped with Liat ia to the world look as well as the best [7 mackintosh. eis ——_‘selfedefence. every time she gocs letters the world mails to you ? i out, will believe in cor- Se Yom lets ws Your future husband #3 | a t "EB Your future wile will be of a devout - i turn of mind and ‘Your future husband #3” her neglect of will be color-blind F household duties for and offend your those of religion sense of the artistic will make you re- by wearing pink $ pretthat you weaned neckties at funerals, er from her original intention of becoming a nun. be “GO Your future wife ‘Your future husband @ar ; will be wealthy but will wear a toupée, with an aversion to ostensibly because : of a fear of catching second marriages. Fier will will give cold, but really be= you an embarrass- cause he hasn't the will put you on a reciprocal basis with your | © Ina’ choice between courage to sit in the perpetual widower- front row of a the- most fastidious correspondent. ll food and "working atre without one. i for your living. Let ussend you the Cld Hampshire Bond Book of Specimens. It contains suggestions for letterheads and other business forms, printed ,lithographed and ‘ engraved on the white and fourteen . J j , Yourfaiwebutandea~ colors of Old Hampshire Bond. | | Ee Your future wile Bld barb eerie wll be a ierary punster. The jury Write for it on your present \ es woman with a in your case will fe whe bright. mind, but bring In a vercict letterhead. Address weird ideas of dress- of justifiable homi- le. Hampshire Paper Co. me oid South Hadley Falls, Mass. The only paper makers n the world makiny ‘dond paper exclusteely comicbooks.com