Life — January 5, 1911 — page 54: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wa nersen Ceey “WHAT ARE YOUK PRICES, PROFESSOR? "* LIFE The Only One HERE came a time when ideas were all on a paying basis and commanded a price in the open market. Then it was that one arose and cornered the market and placing the ideas in cold storage calmly waited the result. Thereupon a great hubbub was raised. “What shall we do without ideas?" asked a young and ambitious politician, who had not Lcen in power long enough to know the rope: “FOR A LOON 17'S TWO DOUDLOONS, FOR A GUINEA-HEN FOUR GUINEAS, BUT FOR A DUCK LIKE YOU 17'S FIFTY DUCAT:! Reformers a reformer? Opinions dif- and definitions vary. The vivacious Gilbert Chesterton says a re- former is a fellow who wants something some,, other fellow has. Chesterton knov 5 his British reformer and he knows Gev te Bernard Shaw, and he tries to get about half way between what he sees and what Shaw says of reformers. An American pessimist defines a reformer as “4 GOOD COMPLEXION SHOULD NOT BE RUBBED ON a pest with an infinite capacity for find- ing fault and a perverted genius for minding other people's business. An- other authority—a cynic—says a re- former is an irritating compound of grafter and crank, separator and rain- bow-chaser. Professor Lowell in cs- sence says the reformer is a garrulous goose stuffed with theories, who has a vast ignorance of human nature, a su- Preme contempt for other forms of na- ture, a painful distrust of divine Provi- dence, and a profound belief in him- self. The reformer is indigenous in Boston, Kansas and Brooklyn and sporadic else- where in the land; he has an abnormal surplus of New England conscience and an enormous vacuum of Yankee horse sense; he has neither sense of humor nor proportion; he is convinced that everything is wrong from the plan of creation to the ward alderman; and he alone is fitted by talent and temperament to restore the world to health. His oc- casional successes convince him of his omniscience and reconcile his fellow- citizens to the rule of the plain politician and cut-purse. If the reformer could be isolated from inks and types and appro- priately equipped for interment in a deaf and dumb asylum, reform and reformers could be mate tolerable. But his elders laughed him to scorn. “We can get along very well,” they replied. “ The old ideas are good enough for us, anyway.” A young poet then arose and declaimed upon the freedom of the people. “Where, O brothers!” he exclaimed, is our courage? And what shall we do in this extremity?” “Hold your Pegasuses,” said his elders, “and go right on as you hav done before. Who will notice the dif- ference?” Thus spake the elders among all the denominations—it really made no differ- ence. And the man who held the corner was in despair, when suddenly came one cry- ing in the wildernes “T must break up your corner,” he observed. “Here's any amount of money. I can't get along without new idea: “And who may you be?” asked the other, as he pocketed the money and opened the cold storage plant. “Tam a writer of advertisements.” Cruelty to Babies M* NAGG: Maria, I've got to go to the lodge to-night. Mrs. Nacc: And leave our precious baby alone? fegpere | [Peeee_] Ay ILLUSTRATED SLANG WERE ALL CRAZY ABOUT HIM! THEY comicbooks.com