Life — December 29, 1910 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cruel Fate Lire Pustisuine Co. GENTLEMEN :—Thanks, horribly. J will admit that it has caused me no little worry as to who and what my future wife would be and I have awaited with cagerness this last copy of Lire so that I could ascertain my fate. And fate it is. To think that J, a peaceful, quiet citizen should be thus forced into an alliance with a social climber, and above all things 1 abhor being agreeable to people who bore me. 1s this irrevocable? Is there no possibility of a mistake? Kindly con- sult your Fortune Teller as to this. If this decree is, as you say, infallible, then all is lost. 1 might add that my birthday is the tenth of December. If necessary change it to the eleventh. Yours hopefully, Frank B, Crayton. Cnarvorte, N.C, December 7, 1910. To a Guilty Author My Dear Lire: On seeing your announcement of a NEW book by John Ames Mitchell, l bought it with delightful anticipa- tions. Judge of my surprise to find my old friend “Gloria Victis,” with its face washed and a new tire on! I much doubt me if your idea of separating a man from his moncy would have been Dr. Thorne’s; how- BUFFALO LITHIA SPRINGS WATER, Guaranteed by Buffalo Lithia Springs Water Co., under the Food and Drugs Act, June 30, 1906, Prescribed by Physicians for URIC ACID, GOUT, RHEUMATISM, DIABETES, ETC, ine ictures, Graphic Articles, Reliable Facts, and figures concerning matters of interest to Homeseekers, Land Buyers; FATOFF IS NOT A “ JACK-OF-ALL-TRADES ” BUT IT IS “A MASTER OF ONE” —IT WILL MAKE YOU THIN. Write for a booklet (sealed), DEPT.1, - - M.S. BORDEN CO. 69 Warren St., New York. ever, you have opened a wide and pro- life field for literary joy rides! Why not now put a new cover on the New Testament and advertise it widely as “His Master’s Voice"? ($1.25. carriage prepaid.) Or bind up a lot of copies of “A Pilgrim's Progress” under the face- tious caption of “Bunyon’s Bum- comb"? . I am waiting anxiously for the next book of Mr. Mitchell’s, which I ap- prehcnd will be entitled “Stephen Wadsworth: The Story of a Degen- erate,” to be followed by “ Filippa Zabarilli; A Tale of the Circus.” Don’t throw away the old title, Lirr. By changing a letter or two have it made into mental mottoes, “Gloria Victims,” which we can hang over the four books as soon as the other two are issued. This, then, spells finis to the search for the ultimate; four new books written by the same author at the same time. Yours with a laugh, F, Ernest Houman. Rocktanp, Marne, December 1, 1910. In Defence of T. R. To tue Eprtor or Lire: I was sorry to see in the Christmas number of Lire, in the illustration en- titled “Bringing in the boar’s head,” an uncalled-for reflection on one of our most prominent and straightfor- ward citizens, I have always thought that Lire meant to be fair, and would do noth- ing to justify its being considered a friend of Tammany. Best Perfumery and ‘Legrand=Paris "S"9ssz Prices, For Sale All Dealers. 1209 The person caricatured in the pic- ture mentioned is far from dead, as time will prove; and his fellow citi- zens will some day awake to a reali- zation of his sterling qualities, as they did in the case of one of his illustri- ous predecessors, whom he resembles in character, Grover Cleveland, who also was reviled and misrepresented. W. T. Bett. Frankuix, Pa., Dec. 6, 1910. Hit Him Again ! Dear Lire: ‘ A word to your correspondent who signs himself “A Submerged Ameri- can.” My advise to you, sir, is: Stop whining, swim shore and remain sober. You will then be able to compete the fellows who end their names with “heim,” and thus obviate calling on your apocryphal ancestors for help. Yours truly, Ax Emercep AMERICAN, ~The Safety that is not a Hoe! Standard Bet, including Stropping Attachment and 6 Double-cdged, Hollow-ground blades, $5. Send fer Booklet today DURHAM DUPLEX RAZOR CO., 111 Fifth Ave., New York DURHAM DUPLEX RAZOR CO., Ltd., 86 Strand, Leadon comicbooks.com