Life — December 15, 1910 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1106 Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau Announcement of Grand Christmas Celebration S the Christmas scason draws near, we realize that something unusual must be done for our customers, We have been accused so many times of counting the pennies, just because we insist on ordinary business methods, that we intend to depart this year from any suggestion of moncy. We hereby invite all of our regular customers, old and young, to a grand Christmas celebration, under the personal management of our able entertainment committee. The tall, handsome blonde on the right as you enter our office will have charge of all the details. We don't guarantee personal immunity at any season of the year from the visits of your wife's relatives. We have been urged repeatedly to do so, but there are some things that are impossible. This year the best thing we can do is to offer a harbor of refuge to all husbands—on our books—who wish to break away from home at the joyous Christmas time for this or any other reason. Our Husbands’ Christmas Dinner will be an affair to dream about afterward for years; and on second thought, we will extend the invitation to all sufferers, no matter whether they have entered the Bureau or not. This scems a large contract, but our unusual facilities, and a particularly prosperous year, justify the expenditure. Send in your name and address at once to our entertain- ment committee, and tell us when you will come on; we ex- pect 10 obtain special rates from the railroads. We have secured a couple of grand old manor houses on the banks of the Hudson, and we will entertain our guests there; with side trips, of course, during the time of your stay, to all points of interest. This invitation is extended to every regularly ordained husband, who can prove that he is married and is living un- happily with his wife; for the space of three days we guar- antee to make him forget completely all his troubles. No marriage certificate is necessary. The tall, handsome blonde is experienced in these matters, and an examination by her always reveals the truth. She can tell a married man in any stage. By accepting our invitation you will not only have the best time in the world, but you will avoid everything about the Christmas season that you don’t like. No Christmas trees to trim; no tips, no relatives, no carving. “WELL, THAT'S THE BIGGEST CMRYSANTHEMUM I *LIFE* SHOWING HOW FOOTBALL CANDIDATES MIGHT BE INDUCED TO TACKLE THE DUMMY AS IF THEY REALLY MEANT IT Our rules are simple, but imperative. No guest will be permitted to talk of his troubles with any one; the idea is to forget wife and home and just go in for a royal time. We have engaged a special troupe of vaudeville artists, and the chorus girls’ union has consented to help us out We also have three new sceing-the-tenderloin autos, and no expense will be spared to give every suffering husband a good time. Among the striking features of the celebration will be the fact that nobody will receive a Christmas present Later: We had scarcely made the announcement of our Christ- mas celebration before we received the following telegram from one of our new customers: “How am I going to get away?” idently our friend has never subscribed for our booklet “Que Thousand Ways to Leave Home” We are mailing it to him, and he can remit at his leisure. In the meantime we call attention to the merits of this extraordinary work, which is now in use by thousands of husbands all over the country It gives explicit directions to every husband as to the manner in which it will always be possible for him to sneak away from home without his wife doing anything about it. It is ed on twenty-five years’ personal experience, and we may ay that every one of the ways we indicate we have per- sonally tried ourselves. We are making a special combination offer, and will mail to any of our regular customers both our celebrated Galary of Beauties and One Thousand Ways for only five dollars. The binding of these books alone cost us nearly cleven cents apiece. This is, we may say, only the beginning of a vast hus- bands’ literature, which we shall announce from time to time At present our offerings include: Husband's Vode Mecum. What to do in emergencies, and how to act under all circumstances. By a retired husband who has been married six times. Henpecked. The true story of a husband who was patient through every difficulty. This book is rapidly becoming a classic. Handy Guide to Paris, Containing a full description of all places you ought not to visit. Conversation Guide, For use of husbands. This gives sev- eral hundred different ways of talking about the same thing without wearing it out. Invaluable. Others in preparation. Huspaxps’ Corresroxpence Burrav. comicbooks.com