Life — December 8, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RE: Life’s Suffragette Contest Xill A Man Should Not Marry a Suffragette Because . A suffragette is, in general, merely an animated noise. A suffragette is a person with a grievance, which she takes out walking with her. A suffragette has no sense of humor, and does not know that laughter is as immortal as the gods. suffragette thinks the Supreme Court was pulling a leg when it declared suf- frage to be a privilege and not a right, and believes. the Supreme Being made a ridiculous blunder in creating sex. suffragette is liable to become as thick as thieves in Vallombrosa with Mor- mons, Socialists and anarchists. suffragette believes that four hundred thousand suffragettes should regulate the status of forty-five million nonsuf- fragettes, and that the majority should not rule. suffragette believes in a helpless and irresponsible electorate legislating, which would be like a wardrobe trying to waltz, or a horse trying to play the fiddle. suffragette believes in two classes of voters, men without property privileges, and women with property privileges, and the class without property pri leges must maintain the class with property privileges, which sounds like a Gilbert and Sullivan opera. . A suffragette thinks that suffrage has een tested, when it has never faced war ‘or revolution. suffragette wants to vote on naval, mili- tary and police affairs, shipping, navi- gation and other matters about which the most intelligent woman knows no more than a pig knows how to fly. . A suffragette is subject to the Berserker madness, and is often dangerous when armed with a stale biscuit. 2. A suffragette has succeeded in making herself a man, but she has not suc- ceeded in making herself a gentleman. . There are now 999.999 opportunities for disagreements in marriage, and there is no use in making an even million by adding suffrage. Molly Elliot Seawell. XIV Why Anyman Should Not Marry a uffragetie O Anyman, the day is not yet near. When you may marry with the suffragette For that keen eye you are not ready yet: You still are babbling over Woman's ‘Sphere. In Finland, so they say, men do not fear To face their wives as equals, and to let Their women nurse the laws which they beget; But Finland is a long way off from here. Safer for Anyman the household pet Who for her little year dispenses charm; Who may be soundly counted on to quote Her lord’s opinions as the wisest yet; Who never gives complacency alarm— Sans brains, sans outside interests, and sans vote! Juliet Wilbor Tompkins, “any man we $300 to the Winner L IFE will pay the sum of Three Hundred Dollars for the best reason, or reasons, why any man should not marry a suffragette. CONDITIONS: Each answer must be limited to three hundred words. Manuscripts, however, may be as short as the con- testant prefers. Manuscripts must be typewritten, and should be addressed to Tue Contest Epitor oF Lirg, 17 West 31st Street, New York. The contest is now on, and will close on December 3Ist, 1910. Manuscripts received after that date will not be considered. Lire will pay at its regular rates for all manuscripts published. The prize will be awarded by the Editors of Lire, and the announce- ment will be made as soon after January ist, 1911, as possible. It is not necessary to be a regular subscriber to Lire in order to com- pete. The contest is open to every one. * Manuscripts will not be returned unless accompanied by a stamped and addressed envelope. XV Why Any Man Should Not Marry a Suffragette BECAUSE: He would cither be dissatisfied with her (when he got her—and they don’t always take ")—or with himself. In the first instance he would be dissatisfied becau8e: If she took a keen interest in poli- tics, or his profession, or excelled him in his chosen line of work, neg- lecting his creature comforts for the sake of argument, he would feel that her logic was not as good as his and that she was not filling credit- ably the position of combination soulmate and drudge; or Were she snatched at an early age from public speaking or the traffic in votes and given the opportunity to develop a latent but genuine devotion to the hearth, he would feel that he was losing the services of a valuable unpaid stant, whose ambition to rise in the world is a subtle complement to his own. In the second instance: BECAUSE: If she proved to be a faithful wife, a de- voted mother and fireside companion, as well as a woman of thc world, able to hold her own in any assemblage of liberally educated people, he would feel so immeasurably inade- quate that he would hunt industriously for a “ fluffy-ruffies” who would make him feel like somebody. Anyhow! That the wrong man gets the wrong woman is a matter of official record— in the divorce courts! E, Ramsey. XVI Why No Man Should Marry a Suffragette Whoever knows the many woes, A husband would beset, The tears he'd shed were he to wed Some fervent suffragette, Would warn a friend, before his end Was fully consummated, And spare a groom the awful doom Of being so mis-mated. A wife for life is tough enough, Whate’er the compensation, And none would face the dire disgrace Of female domination, Or dare to bare the wear and tear Of endless acrimony, Could he foresee, in slight degree, The gloom of matrimony. The only way, so. people say, That marriage is endured, Is _by the.boon of getting soon To suffering inured; But not a touch of solace such For those who in their madness Set forth and get a suffragette, And then repent in sadness. For if your spouse oft leave the house, To serve a term in prison, The brief surcease till her release Will mock you in derision, When each return renews the burn Of old wounds thus re-open, The pain you fain would soothe in vain. Once marriage vows are spoken, Po thrive imitat manu autho tin's | of th would would poetry To A Hi with a bar botele ‘omicbooks.com