Life — December 8, 1910 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RETRIBUTION UP-TO-DATE “Aba, watch me kidnap petite Anisette: Qioth infamous Pierre Volau-vent Cas serole, But the wind blew a spark from his cigar- ette And the villain pétrole! The Intellectual Game of Foot- ball the estimate of Mr. Deland, in the November Atlantic, of the values of the different factors that make success for football teams, the players count twenty, the captain fifteen, the coaches twenty-five and the coaching of the coaches forty. The recent experience of Yale between the games with Brown and Princeton gives support to Mr. De- land's appraisal. The players could do nothing much till Mr. Camp got home and new coaches were applied under his inspiring supervision. He (forty) sup- plied ideas to the coaches (twenty-five), who applied them to the team (twenty), and in two weeks hopeless losers became very creditable winners. Football is a very intellectual game, like chess, but the intellect scems to be chiefly supplied from the outside by the gentlemen who contrive the moves for the pieces. was hoist by his own + LPF « Victory at Last Prize Won By Small Boy. The Ultimate Discovered, and Brought to This Office. A’ last the search for the Ultimate, which Lire started several weeks ago, has been rewarded with victor The whole country has been upset while it has been going on. Business has been disturbed, and psychological, philosophi- cal and philological circles have been al- most completely disrupted. We are glad now that it is all over and the Ultimate has been found, As we suspected, and as we were ap- prised, the Ultimate was the simplest possible affair. We knew it at once when we saw it, as every one else will the mo- ment we tell what it is. But we must not keep the country long in suspense. Yesterday noon, therefore, a boy cn- tered our office with a large tray covered by a cloth. He said he was a poor boy living with poor parents and,he had been at great trouble to get the Ultimate to- gether and bring it to our office, but here it was, as large as life, and he presented it to us with his compliments. Reward Promptly Paid When we took off the cover we saw a number of dishes, all full. The whole affair was labeled as fol- lows : Tue Uctimate! Oxr Square Meat. We promptly paid the boy his reward and he went on his way rejoicing. Oh! Josiah Royce! Oh! Lyman Abbott! Oh! President Taft and Roosevelt! Oh! Methodists and Presbyterians, and all the glorious company of psychologists ard platitudinous peripatetics! To think that you never suspected it before! WS THE END LIFE'S INFALLIBLE FORTUNE TELLER If you were born on December “WA Your future wile will be a fat-dread- et. There will be moments in your life when you wit = & wish you had mar- ried a woman con- tent to be as nature intended her to be, GO Your future wife will run away with her riding - master. Being more of a philosopher than a horseman you will not pursue them, “WO Your future wife will be a social climber, and it will be your fate to be compelled to be agreeable to many persons. who bore you. "G8 Your future wile will wear false teeth and a sunny smile, At times you will wish that the latter was not quite so open-faced. & 3 ‘Your future husband 6@~ be devoted to everything English. In a moment of pa- triotic frenzy you will be rash enough Gosb darn ing,” which will vex him greatly. Your future husband @@> willbea man with apast. Every time he leaves the house you will be afrai that he has gone to dig it up. ‘Your future husband sa” will have the bad habit of reading the morning paper at the breakfast table, which will interfere with your finest op- portunities for con- versation about household griev- ances. * ‘Your future husband &@> will insure his life heavily in your fa- vor, but will be blessed with dis- gustingly good health, bY @ é §