Life — November 24, 1910 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| Life’s Suffragette Contest ml I Would Not Marry a Suffragette— Because when I wooed her a season ago, And took her to stroll where the lichens entwined, Ane caught her fair hand, which was whiter thar. snow, And asked her to be Mistress—well, never mind; And noted the rapture that sprang to her eyes ‘As she clutched the lapels of my newly pressed coat; Because she replied, with the softest of sighs: “Oh, first tell me, Jack, do you think I should vote?” Of course, true love conquered my righteous dis: And retrieved my poor heart as a dog does a bird. : I asked her a question; she answered me, And lifé was again very sweet—and absurd. To observe the conventions I sought her ma-ma, And stammered my story with primly bowed head— I caught her reply on the point of the jaw: “Should women be given the suffrage?” she said. 4. grim constitution. a surgeon's prompt aid And three fingers of gin pulled me out of my swoon; Against my weak will I again sought the maid, And we fixed on the “knot” for the middle of June. Well, we marched up the aisle to some “Promise Me” thing, The audience grinned like buffoons at a play, The rites reached the point where I fumbled the ring— “Votes For Women!” the bride shrieked, then fainted away. J. A, Brandl, Iv $300 to the Winner There are 300 best reasons “ why any man should not marry a suffragette,” 150 of these being womanly, ons, 150 manly. The first of the “ womanly” reasons, having been compounded into the two words: “ just because . . .” makes the other 149 intrin- sic, irrelevant and immaterial. The first “ manly” reason is best expressed with the left foot on the rail (and a comma between) : “ why, because ie This powerful, forceful, jamful, masterful argument dispenses with the recapitulation of the second 149 of the 300 best reasons— Qed. Dr. Berthold A. Baer. Vv Why Should a Man Not Marry a Suffragette? A Man Does Not Want to Marry a Suffragette A man married Against his will, Acts as if He were single still. But verily, why should a man drag a woman down from the high career of looking at long ips of paper, and yea, even of marking them with X in various places, down, down, from this her high delight, when all he needs is cA CD. $300 to the Winner L IFE will pay the sum of Three Hundred Dollars for the best reason, of reasons, why any man should not marry a suffragette. CONDITIONS: Each answer must be limited to three hundred words. Manuscripts, however, may be as short as the con- testant prefers. Manuscripts must be typewritten, and should be addressed to Tue Contest Eprtor oF Lire, 17 West 31st Street, New York. The contest is now on, and will close on December 31st, 1910. Manuscripts received atter that date will not be considered. Lire will pay at its regular rates for all manuscripts published. The prize will be awarded by the Editors of Lire, and the announce- ment will be made as soon after January Ist, 1911, as possible. It is not necessary to be a regular subscriber to Lire in order to com- pete. The contest is open to every one, Manuscripts will not be returned unless accompanied by a stamped and addressed envelope. but a little woman just to hearten him up so that he may go out into the world and fight a good fight. To drag her, yea, by force to take her, from the platform of many lights and a glass of ice water, when the little woman will come and make for him a place called home, where he may rest for better fighting on the morrow, and where the good that they do may live after them in the lives of their children. Children? Verily, children bother not the house of a suffragette, for a woman cannot serve both the child and the ballot. So if she be a suffragette, marry her not, oh, man, for ’tis better to dwell in the corner of the house-top than live with a balloting woman.—Mrs, A. T. Meredith. vi ‘Why Any Man Should Not Marry a Suffragette (With Apologies to Solomon, King of Israel) Because she will do him evil and not good all the days of her life. The heart of her husband cannot safely trust in her, -eketh not wool nor flax, nor worketh willingly with her hands. She considereth a field and buyeth it not, but spendeth her substance for votes. She girdeth not her loins with strength, but bindeth her brow with brass. She goeth abroad by night, and her husband abideth alone. She freeth her hands from the spindle, and her hands lay hold on the ballot. She stretcheth out her hands to the poor; yea, she handeth out wine and cigars, She maketh herself no coverings; her clothing is bought at men’s shops. Trousers and vests are her clothing, and she shall weep in the time to come. She openeth her mouth with guile, and in her tongue is the law of graft. No children rise up to call her blessed; her husband also praiseth her not. Many daughters have done foolishly; but thou surpassest them all. Favor is ceceitful, and beauty vain; but fear thou not—thou: hast neither of these. Hi. H. Ballard. Vil The Consequences Who yokes up with a suffragette, Will spend his life in vain regret; Will seek divorce, upon my oath, Or go stark crazy, one or both. he reasons he should hesitate <0 unite, are few and great: This woman has a stubborn will, She talks too much, she won't keep still. No prof’table domestic art Has any room in her cold heart. Her plans are all to save the State. And in no manner contemplate Help for the man she vowed one day To love, to honor and obey. The suffragette is not refined; The bent of her expanding mind Leads far away from such a life As sanctifies the helpful wife. The drift of her ideas and cares Is all away from home affairs. Her manners grow severe and cold, Race-suicide is her best hold; And, while she may at times elect To treat her husband with respect; To “soak” the poor, unhanoy Turk For cash to carry on the work, In speech she never is exempt From outward signs of her contempt. So by and by his life is wrecked, He loses all his self-respect _ And, later, finds he cannot stir Up very much respect for her. This lide is one long night of gloom For him—he ‘waits the crack of doom Calmed by the hope that when he goes To take his turn at death’s repose, ‘Twill be his fate to slumber de And long—to find eternal sleep; In the great silence to forget He ever wed a suftragette. 7 A, L. Bixby. (Concluded on page 895)