Life — November 17, 1910 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE: 859 Disabilities of Retired Officers At the School of Philanthropy HE Constitution says that no person holding any “QQ TANDARD Oil Soc—no, I mean office under the United States shall be a member Standard School—I_ mean Con- of cither house of Congress during his continuance s¢rvative Sociologists, say that the poor in office. This rule was lately interpreted to need aspiration—what they most want exclude Rear Admiral Cowles, retired, from #8 @ want,’” said the professor. running for Congress from the Farmington “We want supper now,’? said the district in Connecticut where he lives. The — Shir st striker. , interpretation was probably right, but it was “That's not what I mean,’ said the rough on Admiral Cowles, and we presume “T mean an abstract want.”’ that if the Constitution makers had known “What's an abstract want,—the want in time they would have fixed it so that re- Of somthing that you have to abstract tired officers of the army and navy might go ‘rom them?’’ asked the scholar. to Congress if they got a chance. “No! That's S or Anarch These retired officers have an- i8m—or Pragmatism at least. You ought other disability. Although out of 10 know that an abstract want is a soul the service they are under control @8Piration, something that can’t be got.’* of their departments and bound to “You mean enough to cat, then,’? said the same limitations in the matter the sbirt-waist striker. of speech and writing as other of- Nonsense,’’ cried the professor ficers. That scems an unnecessary “These are prosperous times and th hardship. When these gentlemen {00d supply is always short in times of have served their time why not take Prosperity; look at the high prices of all the gags and hobbles off of them Stocks and of merchandise! ”’ and let them go free? After thirty “Yes, and of food, too,” said the or forty years’ service are they less Scholar; “look at meat and eggs.” to be trusted than other people? “Oh,” said the striker, “we can’t Our brethren on the pension list are 100k at them, they’ve gone up out of not subject to these restrictions. Sisht."” HELL WITH TIE 11D OFF Why should the retired list be tied “Then, said the professor trium- up to them? . an Aspiration.” With the Professor Bolton Hall. HE place where, some —— | folk say, they'll HERE'S an affinity that shapes our HERE there are so many books burn us, spends, there must be some literature. He calls, in classic speech, “ Avernus "'; And maybe once or twice per annum Employs the Arabic, “ Jehannum.”” At social teas, with cultured air, He terms the torrid spot, “enfer,”” Or else, with due respect to ladies, In mellow Greek alludes to “ Hades.’” An clevator-running Creole I heard him once consign to “ Sheol ’’; But when the parlor ceiling fell The missing word was simply “: Arthur Guiterman, Fruitless HE EDITOR: What are you doing here? Tue Burctar: Don't be alarmed, sir. Tam just doing this for practice Revised Political Maxim GOVERNMENT of the people for doing the people by consent of Small Boy: on! Wat A FUNNY-LOOKING THING. the people. “sit! poN’r RE RUDE.” “comicbooks.com