Life — September 1, 1910 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ BE SILENT AND YOU WILL bE LONESOME," tured on “The Noble Art of Self-Praise, and How to Keep It Up." The dis- tinguished lecturer said among other things : “Be silent and you will be lonesome. Cultivate the three graces: Faith in your- self, hope in advertising and charity to- ard those who ignore you. Remember also the three rules for success as an American: First, publicity; second, pub- licity; third, publicity. Never practice the same kind of vulgarity twice. Be your own make-up artist; never trust to others, Memorize all the great things that have been said and proclaim them as your own. Those who know thent will be so lost in admiration of your ability that they will praise you with the rest. Acquire a reputation for being able to hurt others, Those you don’t hurt will praise you continuously. Never stop at any form of adver- tising because you are afraid some one will suspect you, Remember is America. Be true to your own con- ceit and it follow as the night the day thou canst not then be un portant to any other man.”” We have received the following testi- monial from one who wishes to remain anonymous, proving that he has learned little as yet must —When I entered your institute a month ago I was a timid, shrinking thing. Now I om able to as- sert myself, and my chest has expanded cight inches. I have been tobbing the people now for thirty years and have made millions. My ultimate object is to pose as a philanthropist, but somehow I “Dear Sirs “LiBEE * cannot yet make up my mind to force myself before the public. Is there any hope for me?’ We have promptly expelled this gen- tleman on the ground that if he is still afraid to exploit his name, no matter what sins he has committed, he will never amount to anything. We have just received the following cablegram from Bernard Shaw: “You are a hundred years behind the times. Why is an institute necessary? Why not do as I do? I have been ad- mitting for so long now that I am su- perior to every one else that every one else has come to believe me.” Up'to the present moment the only man in the country who has not applied for admission to the institute is the Vice-President of the United States. We feel that something ought to be done about this gentleman. Will somebody kindly send his name and address to this office? PROGRAMME FOR WEEK Monday—Thomas Ryan will praise his own moral nature. Two to five. Tuesdey—Hopkinson Smith: “ Em- barrassments I Have Never Met.’’ Af- ternoon, Wednesday.—Dramatic morning. All the prominent actors in country will praise themselves. Nine to one. Thursday.—W. J. Bryan: “Talk as a Substitute for Statesmanship.”’ Friday.—Ladies’ Day. Distinguished opera singers will sing their own praises. Music. Saturday.—Whiskers as a trademark. (At this lecture photographs of Hall Caine will be distributed free to every ene in the audience.) Sunday.—Sacred concert of praise, to ourselves as individuals, to our country and to our civilization, and to our re- ligion, all of which we now proclaim with Joud and appropriate harmonies are the greatest and most absorbingly inter- esting and highly moral that the uni- verse has ever seen Amen. FOLLOWS THE BASE DRUM’? Our Ladies’ Cigarette Smoking Column NEAT device to protect young babies from cigarette smoke of the nurse has just been put on the market made of German silver, and fits over baby’s face without interfering with his breathing. Yesterday, on one of our principal avenues, a sixteen-year-old boy, who was running a large auto, courteously stopped in order to permit his mother This is a slight incident, but it shows that our family life is not always so bad as it is painted. “Should Lady Typewriters S: During Office Hours?'? is the titl an illuminating article in System 2f sine, The question is quite pertinen Sybill, the Fifth Avenue ladies’ t! announces a new pocket for m specially designed for corpulent laclies, and easily accessible. One of the late novelties in the jew cler's windows is a combined cigarette case and bridge score card. To remove cigarette stains from gloves, soak them in a Martini cocktail for fifteen minutes and hang up to dry No bitters. “Thad great difficulty in keeping my cooks,” said a lady householder re- cently, “until I began the practice of supplying them free with cigarettes. 1 is really inexpensive—only about twer cents a day—and keeps them con tentes A Western girl's college : new course in cigarette smoking girls over sixteen. It is cl the practice has a quieting effect the nerves. The ladies’ smoking room at the ropolitan Opera House has recently t enlarged and redecorated in the T style. Cigarettes free to box-holder As ladies no longer leave th after a dinner party, but rem smoke, the question is what siories should be told? Etiquette demands nething spicy, that is not over-coarse. problem as to how far one can go ly is the test of what constitutes 2 entleman Should a lady smoke in bed? next week At the Party ARKE) Who's the fat old girl oo the sofa? Host: Why, that’s man. Don't you recognize her? Barker: No. She does her playing during the day and I do mine at night. 10 considered