Life — August 25, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Perfect Husband “MY husband is just perfect,’’ ex- claimed Mrs. Newed fervently. Heaven help you,” put in Mrs. un knowingly. “I hope for your he'll get over it.’’ “Why, what do you mean? It’s posi foolish to talk that way. Of course, you're joking.” “Joking! Not a bit of it,’ went on rs. Oldun derisively, “You see | snow what I'm talking about. I've been through it. I used to think just as you do and, if you are as sensible as I think , you'll get over it just as I did.” Newed was on the verge of “T think it’s sinful to make light the marriage relation that way. 1 my husband doesn’t get over it, and T hope I don't get over it. He's ect and we're perfectly happy.’” Ob, yes, you may be happy. That u may think you're happy, which amounts to about the same thing; but you will never know what real happi- ness is until you find out that you're husband isn’t perfect.” But I tell you he is perfect.” “And I tell you he isn’t. Let me « you, do you ever give him letters to mail?’” 3, often.’? Very well, if he’s perfect he always ails them."? “Indeed he does. That's one of the things T had in mind.” “You mean he always says he mails them ?"* “T mean if he says he mails them, he THE NATIONAL GAME 1 them. does m: I hope at least he's truthful “Not if he says he always mails your letters, for there was never yet a hus band who always mails his wife's letters They always mean to mail them. I ad- mit that.” “ But,’ put in Mrs. Newed, “even if he didn’t mail one occasionally it's no great harm, and I can’t see why he should lic about it.”” “That's just the point. He will lie, and all husbands will lie, so that you will continue to think he's perfect. Not- withstanding your confidence in your husband, I venture to say you always ask him if he mailed your letters. Now, don’t you?’ “ Usually.” “And whenever you ask him, he pute on an injured air, gets a little pro- voked ?"” “A little.” “That's it. He's just like all the rest That's just the way my husband did when he was perfect. But then one day I got the goods on him, as the slang phrase goes. I found out positively that he had not mailed a certain important letter."" “What if he didn’t?’ “Everything. It was the turning point in our lives. I took him off his high horse then and there. Oh, the sat- isfaction in it! You cannot imagine the supreme joy of reducing a husband to the level of a human being. Ever since that time, when my husband forgot, I did not care how provoked he became when I asked him a question. I suppose your husband is very self-possessed; never loses his temper. That's a part of per- fection."* “ How can you suggest such a thing?’ ied Mrs. Newed haughtily. “Of course, he never loses his temper.’ “And so he just calmly lords it over you, serene and insufferable in his pose of superiority while he looks down on you, along with all other women, as cmo- ional and hysteri “ Perh of that, ingly. “Of course, you've noticed it, and you'll notice st more and more as time gocs on unless you do one thing.’” “And that’s something disagreeable I suppose.”’ “Surely. You must contrive way to make him lose his temper. angrier he gets the better for you. you've got him forevermore.” “You talk like a crazy woman. 1 don’t see what good that could possibly do.” “Good! Why it’s a veritable panacea. Ever after, no matter what the argu- ment may be, you can caution him to be careful, not to get excited and remind him what a fearful temper he has when he becomes aroused."” “Well,” said Mrs. Newed in disgust, “if that's your idea I wonder you haven't landed in Reno long before this."” “Reno, nonsense! That's the way to keep out of Reno. Talk about incom- patibility! The only thing that is abso- lutely possible to live in the same house with is perfection.” Ellis O. Jones. ps I have noticed just a little admitted Mrs. Newed unwill- some The Then comicbooks.com