Life — August 11, 1910 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Are You a Mental Lifer? NOW IS THE TIME TO BE AN IMAGINARY SOME- BODY AND SUBSCRIBE IN YOUR MIND We have an important announcement to make. For some time we have been bothered with a short- age of help in our Thought Bureau. The qualifications are by no means common. We can only employ people in this Bureau who are used to thinking. This bars out, of course, most American citizens. Mental control is necessary. You can’t sit in a re- ceptive mental condition, receiving imaginary LIFE subscriptions at the rate of several hundred an hour, without being a kind of human vibratory reservoir and transmitter combined. The moment a mental subscription is received it must not only be entered up mentally on our thought books, but must be placed on the regular list, and the proper vibrations which are common to the individual subscribing discovered, so that he will be getting his imaginary copies regularly. Of course, after the thing is once done it runs itself, but it's no easy job in the beginning to do justice to all. The whole affair is complicated by the mental con- tributors, who attempt to send in their effusions at the same time. We are bothered with crossed vibrations almost constantly. An order for ten subscriptions would get mixed up with a mental contribution of a hundred jokes unless our thought bureau people kept their minds on their work. One thing helps more than anything else, however, and that is enthusiasm, Every mental worker on our staff is in love with his work. After several futile attempts we have found some Western Christian Scientists, and we are breaking them in. We hope for the best. We have also been fortu- nate in securing the services of a few first class medi- ums and a couple of astrologers. These latter, by the way, are doing great work. They are able between them to take and record nearly three hundred imagi- nary subscriptions an hour. Owing, therefore, to the new augmented force we are pleased to state that we shall be able to take on about five million additional subscribers within the next few weeks. We reserve the right, however, to reject any application. Among others, we don’t care for any insurance presidents or members of the Albany Legis- lature. Indeed, we would rather not consider the mem- bers of any legislature. We are considering a limited number of woman suffragists. We like our subscribers to be heterogene- ous, and our policy’s broad enough to cover every phase of thought. But we don’t want too many of one class. We have received the following: Dear Life: Please send ten Mental LIFES to ten friends of mine. Enclosed find their names. You are doing great work. T read every advertisement in the last Imaginary Number, Even the text and pictures were interesting. Does me good every minute of day and night. In reply to this communication we will say that we cannot comply with our friend’s request. He already knows this, as we vibrated back our answer immedi- ately, but for the benefit of those friends who may be expecting sample copies, we wish to say that we do not send LIFE mentally to any one who does not apply directly by concentrated thought. The reason, of course, is simple: Unless you are willing to make the slight mental effort and will us to send the paper, it will do you no good. This effort on your part is vital. You must concentrate your mind and wish for the paper. It's the only way you can get it. And by the way, for the benefit of those who have not yet been notified, we desire to say that we have raised the mental subscription to ten dollars a year. This is, of course, merely nominal. When you subscribe hereafter, therefore, just re- member that ten. It will cost you nothing but a thought, but you must do it. We are accumulating an imaginary surplus and need the mental cash. And in the meantime, we wish everybody to know the high moral purpose that animates us in devoting this valuable space to our readers and the public gen- erally. Some people fail to understand. For example, here is a man who writes: Dear Life: Rather clever dodge, eh, to write all that rot about the imaginary LIFE? Of course you are looking for the real cash allright. Really, LIFE, I thought you were above this sort of thing. This would pain us more than we could say if we believed that it was an opinion held by more than a solitary individual. The truth is that we are performing a great mission. Already there is not an advertiser in the country who has not felt the grand uplift of our wonderful cam- paign in favor of pure imaginary advertisements. Think of what it will mean to all the little children! As if we cared for money! Our advertising rate of one hundred dollars a line ought to prove that. We could get twice as much if we were grasping. No, no, friend! We are the only highly moral paper in uistence (not a share even of imaginary stock for sale). The advertising manager of our Thought Bureau, Mr. Gee Ime Mit, desires us to announce that he can take no more advertisements for three weeks. He is already a million dollars beyond his thought limit. In the meantime, address all communications to LIFE’S Thought Bureau. (Open day and night. You can sit up in bed any moment and subscribe.) wood! axe is ever, | saddle, gradual boe, Ii comicbooks.com