Life — August 4, 1910 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

194 French Self-Taught, Revised Edition, Universal Self-Tuition H, direful day on which she brought That booklet home of “ French Sclf-Taught, And sad the havoc which it wrought— The memory makes me tremble. For sane and simple were the ways We trod in ante-Gallic days, Before we struck the foreign phrase And changed our tout ensemble. And yet those distant days, remote, Before she tackled “table d’héte.”” While anything but comme il faut, Were days delightful—very For then we all were satisfied fo eat potatocs on the side, No matter whether boiled or fried, Instead of pommes de terre. For those who seck with patient search A seat high up on culture's perch, A little French is quite recherché ; It sounds so sort of “classy.’” And so a word I've had to drop Is“ and she made me stop, Because its use is quite de trop; So now it's demi-tasse. coffe And whew she sprung ber latest hat, I said, “Yes, dear, quite coup d’état—’” I felt so sure I had one pat, It almost bowled her over. She said “ No mortal can make out One-half the things you talk about, And such an accent! Voild tout! Why don’t you say chef-d’ocuvre Frank Hiil Phillips. Squaring Up ) you think you love my daugh- ter?” “Yes, sir? “And you ” wish 10 marry he “That's the idea.” The old swung himself around in his office chair and looked at the young man before him with a critical eye. He was a punctilious per- son, this old gentleman. “T've been investigating you,” he said “That's good. 1 everything all right “Yes, yes, fairly so—only I have come to a certain conclusion."” And that is?" “That you cannot get married—with- out my help.’” “T haven't asked that, sir.” “I know you haven't. Rut gentleman found hope you you'll si Leelee need it. You are getting three thousand a year. “Yes—and with prospects.”” You have no money saved up.” Yes, about two thousand.’* “Well, that isn’t enough.” “Why not?”? “Marion has been used to certain things. You don’t need too many lux- uries—but you need to be comfortable But you are steady, and seem to have a good business head. So I am going to start you off right. I'm going to lend you twenty-five hundred dollars. You can pay me back later. You may not have to use it at all.” “T think I probably will Well, if you do, all right. If not, so much the better. You can give me a note—I won't press you.’” “Sorry I cannot accept but it isn’t enough.” The old gentleman Iooked astonished. “Not enough!" he exclaimed.“ Why, what do you mean?"” “Precisely what I say, sir. We can get along without your money, anyway. I wouldn't have asked you for it. But as long as you've offered it, I say that it isn’t enough.” “Well, well do you want?” “Oh, say five thousand.” Indeed.” And I wouldn’t borrow it from you You will have to give it to me ‘The brazen effrontery of this statement was too much. The old gentleman sank back “What's the world coming to!’’ he “Did When I your offer, bless me! How much either. exclaimed. was a boy “When you were a boy women could cook.” “Don’t understand you." “T will explain. I have spent a good many years of my life in fitting myself to occupy the position of a husband for Marion. Not only did I go through a university, but after that T had to work very hard for years to work up to my present salary. It was no picnic, I as sure you. It was drudgery, and it is still drudgery. But I am now fitted for the position. It has cost me a good many thousands to accomplish this. What have you been doing with your daugh- ter in the meantime? Teaching her a smattering of languages, of music and of literature, but of real practical knowl- edge, not a thing. I, too, have been doing some figuring, and I estimate that the mistakes she will make during the first four or five years of our married life will cost me about five thousand dol- lars, all on account of her defective edu- you ever! cation. You ought to have done this beforehand. You had the would marry her just the same, of course, if she didn't have a cent there is no reason why I should pay for something that she ought to have. | had to do it with myself.”” The old gentleman thought for a +o. ment, then dipped his pen in the ink and drew a check for five thousand money, | “Young man," he said, irresistible.”" Confidential Guide to Some of the People I Know (Not by Kerfoot) Nice little girl M*t® oo flufiy hair. Been to Europe. knows nothing about -it, Dresses well, but uninteresting Mrs, G— (sidow). Fine specimen of woman, with splendid knowledge of world. Would marry her if I could Mr. Grorce F—, Elderly busivess friend. Bondholding, bloated and bucolic 10 the extent that he lives in suburbs. Commonplace to last degree. Mayor of his own Knows nothing but money and real estate. Mrs. L—. Beautiful woman, wife of neighbor. He doesn’t appreciate her. Has languishing eyes and a wealth of sentiment. Feel on account of misplaced affections Briocet K——. A fine cook. She once lived with me. married. Berta W—. My wife. Most inter- esting woman I ever met—up tothe time I married her your logic is town. for her but has since become HE much maligned flea has at last been properly classified, but, strange to say, he skips into floral, rather than faunal, society, as he ha be a member of the hide been found to ranger faimily comicbooks.com