Life — July 21, 1910 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

110 — WHAT WE SH EAT IT BY Br. WELLFED SUNDAYS - GAB ORDER TAX @ ? The Human Side of Gardening ORN has ears. Potatoes have eyes. Squashes have necks. Cucumbers have warts. Cabbages have heads Celery has a heart Wheat bas a beard Grapes have skin. Seen In a City Restaurant E obese opulent octogenarian or- dering oysters. Two timid teachers trying to talk to- gether, Three thirsty Thespians thumping the table. Four foolish fellows favoring fried flounders. Five finicky Frenchmen finding fault with the fish. Six stern suffragettes sipping soup. Seven stalwart sailors swallowing shrimp Eight energetic elders eating eggs. Nine neighborly nibbling noodles Ten tousled tourists taking toast and tea Eleven elegant ing earls Twelve tired travelers telling tales of tours. Carolyn Wells. No Chance With Him “PM just as sick as ever,” complains the patient. “And you claimed to be able to cure me by mental suggestion Yeu're a fake!" nobodies Englishmen entertain- “LP EB * “T'm not!"’ hotly retorts the mental healer. “ How can I make any mental suggestions if there isn’t a mental termi- nus for the suggestions to reach? ** Sure Cure NCE upon a time there was a man who was sensitive. If he wore the wrong gloves at a wed- ding breakfast, and found it out after- ward, he brooded over the matter for weeks. If he made an after-dinner speech. and some one remarked that they had heard a better one, it worried him so that he couldn't eat. If he tried to do some public good, and the local paper came out and insinuated that he was a grafter, he wore himself out trying to show what his motives really had been. If a public servant insulted him, he used up days in getting even by taking his case up to the heads of the corpora- tion. If a friend was absent-minded and treated him carelessly, he imagined there was something wrong between them and laid awake from two until five in the morning, thinking up some plan to get even. He was a_ collector Nothing was too small for hin by. People began to avoid him. They were afraid he would resent whatever they did because they hadn't treated him any better. Thus he went from bad to worse. One day, however, he woke up to his condition. He knew that something was wrong. And so he consulted a certain philosopher. The philosopher plied him of grievances. to pass ture. gant woman. busy that I haven't had time to resent anything."” WE'D GET A FINE P JME HEAVY CLOUDS BELOW US. with questions, thought for awhile, and then whispered something in ear, “That or nothing,’ said the philoso- pher. Several years afterward the man was met by a friend. “As I remember you,”’ said the friend, you were an impossible sort of crea Always brooding. Always won- dering why every one was so unjust to you.”* “Yes,"" said the man. “ But now every one likes you."’ “Do they?'’ said the man, absently, Starting to move along. “Certainly. Tell me, how did you manage it—how did you recover?" “Easy enough,” said the man. “I consulted a philosopher.”” “ And what did he advise you 10 do?” “He advised me to marry an extrava- Since then I have been so SOMETHING NEW “WAITER, WHAT 1S THAT MACHINE I SEE ON EACH TABLE? "’ “THAT, SIR, 1S A TIP REGISTER GETTING CALLOUSED.”’ IT SAVES THE PALMS OF OUR HANDS FROM comicbooks.com