Life — July 21, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Italians are Likable AKE them by and large, the Italians who come to us in these days are likable people. They have some bad knife habits and they have the misfor- tune to harbor quite a lot of parasitic criminals who are particularly dangerous and objectionable. But folks who have to do familiarly with Italians as laborers or workmen or small merchants seem to like them, and find them gentle, simple, joyous in their appreciation of life and appreciative of kindness and decent treatment. They are as yet considerably more popular than the general run of Rus- sian Jews, who, to be sure, are used to get along without much popularity. What Is a Government ? GOVERNMENT is an established by an entire nation for the purpose of determining what part of the nation shall make money out of the other part. By tariff schedules and rates the gov- ernment decides to what extent dealers in protected articles shall prosper. By franchises and land grants it de- cides who shall reap the benefit of trans- porting people and goods. By patents and copyrights it places itself on the side of the inventor and the writer. By building battleships it shows a friendly interest in the owners of the steel mines and mills. By depositing public money in banks it materially reduces the financial diff culties of financiers, A good government is one which does all these things in such a as 10 isfy both the beneficiaries and the victims. Ellis O. Jones. institution way THE bySrePTic’s IDeA oF *LIFE* The Lament of the Undevout Gastronomer HE undevout gastronomer is glad To sweep the culinary keyboard, And taste whatever dish is to be had From lofty mountain-top to seaboard For pork-and-beans, baked in its tiny pot, At times he may be truly thankful, For chowder, when it’s served up steam ing hot, For shad, when it’s a proper plankful. And yet he feels that food is but a bore; Both in a palace and a hovel— He has to eat what he has had before; He secks in vain for something novel. Although he does not wish to make fuss By calling everything detestable, He finds his provender monotonous As opening moves upon a chess-table. In time the gourmet-gourmand mad * That phenixes are unavailable, That salamanders never can be had, That griffins seem to be unsalable, That dragons can’t be bought for ready cash, Nor any legendary fishes, That unicorns are never served in hash— In vain he longs for all these dishes. waxes The hippogrif, if shot upon the wing, Would have an unexpected flavor ; The centaur, too, if killed in early spring, Would not be lacking in new savor; They might be stalked, when driven from their beds; They might ness— These birds and beasts, bipeds and quad- rupeds, Have no exasperating sameness. tempted into. tame- Biped or quadruped! Two legs or four! It is enough to drive one frantic That we've no other choice on any shore, Arctic, Pacific or Atlantic. Four legs or two, biped or quadruped— Whether we stagger on our sea legs Or walk the mountain side with sturdy tread! Why can’t we find a beast with thre: legs? Or beast or bird, in feather or in fur, With three legs in their proper places Three is a noble number, we aver— Three was the number of the Graces A tripod—whether it is bird or beast— A tripod, none can doubt we necd it! A tripod, that would make a glorious feast! Why doesn’t Luther Burbank breed it? “ Serene, secure, the epicure would say,” If tripods smoked upon his table, wag ~ Porgrolliva ste The One Below: you Lucky Gir SEE YOU'RE GETTING YOUR TROUSSEAU. ‘ate cannot have dined yt Alas! the tripod is a fable! And so, at last, he turns in blank despair And tries the foods they make for breakfast, That ape the color of his faded hair, That stick, and won't go down his neck fast. Brander Matthews.