Life, 1910-05-12 · page 17 of 44
Life — May 12, 1910 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satire: **"Chats With Vivisectors"** (top): A mock dialogue ridiculing *Life* magazine itself while debating animal experimentation. The speaker argues that restricting vivisection to skilled experimenters is absurd—equivalent to restricting burglary or wife-beating to "skilled" practitioners. The piece advocates for complete abolition of animal testing, using deliberately provocative comparisons to highlight what the author sees as the practice's fundamental wrongness. **"Sit Tight, G.A.R.!"** (center): Commentary on Massachusetts Civil War veterans' groups protesting a General Lee statue in Statuary Hall. The author argues Northern public opinion doesn't actually care about the statue's placement—that Lee represents history, not secession—and that Statuary Hall itself has become a troublesome "hornet's nest." **"Three Kitchen Maids"** and the dinner cartoon (bottom): Light domestic humor involving cooking and evening dining etiquette, unrelated to political content. The page exemplifies *Life*'s mix of pointed social criticism and genteel humor typical of early 20th-century American satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Chats With Vivisectors OOD-MORNING, gentlemen. Oh, shut up! Gentlemen, I wish to ask you a ques- tion. Why is Lire the best paper in the world? Because it isn’t. Not the right answer. Because it is an unprincipled liar and talks of what it knows nothing about. No. Because it is duller than death. Guess again. Because no decent family would have it in the house. Once more Because nobody reads it and it is a blot on civilization. All wrong. It is because it believes in vivisection—— protested, through Hooray! Sense at last! —being wholly abolished. Ass! Liar! Lire. is not so enthusiastic over re- stricted vivisection. Right you are! Nor is he enthusiastic over restricted burglary or restricted wife-beating or restricted murder. You talk like a fool. If they are bad things abolish them altogether, This restricting experiments on animals to skilled experimenters— Oh, give us a rest! ——is like restricting burglary to skilled burglars. Moreover, there is a great difference between burglary and vivisec- tion. True enough. Sit Tight, G. A. R.! ORTY G. A. R. posts in Massachusetts have Senator Lodge, against the acceptance by Congress of the statue of Gen- eral Lee in Statuary Hall. you! THIS ISN’T A HAT, IT’s OUR Nest."” “Hey, All right! The Massachusetts pen- sioners should not be denied the chance to speak their minds. But how many of them realize that Lee was a far better Union man than Wendell Phillips or Wil- liam Lloyd Garrison, neither of whom cared a rush whether the Union held to- gether or not if only slavery perished. Lee loved the Union though he left it. Charles Francis Adams holds that his ex- treme reluctance to leave it delayed Vir- ginia’s secession so long that the South lost its best chance of success in the Civil War. But neither in Massachusetts nor in any other Northern State do the G, A. R. posts represent the prevailing Northern sentiment about General Lee. To the general mind of the North he stands not for secession but merely for history. Not one Northern voter in ten is concerned one way or the other about the placing of the Lee statue in Statuary Hall, or finds any considerable significance in its presence there. The prevailing senti- ment on that subject hereabouts is that Statuary Hall is getting to be a good deal of a hornet's nest and might better be put out of business. When it isn’t making mischief it is exciting derision. helps the burglar’s fam- vivisection benefits _no- Burglary ily, whereas body. Bah! Pish! It is on the contrary an appalling evil. You—— Blithering idiot! are doing more to undermine the tions and pollute the blood of humanity with your—— Get out, you liar! ——sickening, disease-bearing than all other causes combined. Smash his facet That is all I have time to tell you just at present, but more anon. Put him out! Kill him! Gentlemen, I thank you for your cour- tesy and for your patience. serums Three Kitchen Mades LAIN Sally Lunn is simple, But good for every day; Brown Betty, more pretentious, Has crisp and spicy way; But Charlotte Russe is flippant, In gaieties she'll plunge ; She goes to balls and parties And quite inclines to sponge! Ada Stewart Shelton. E had begun dining at seven o'clock. It was now one-thirty, and he was through. “ Waiter,’’ said he, “ bring me a—hic—lighted cigar.’” “BE CAREFUL MOW YER STRIKE TO-DAY, BILL, 1'VE GOT ME NEW HAT ON.”” comicbooks.com