Life — April 7, 1910 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Gentle (But Insalubrious) Spring A DOCTOR'S DITTY AIL, gentle spring, hail, balmy winds! (Unwholesome breezes !) Hail, spring-time's joyous signs of life (And fell diseases!) We breathe once more thine odors fresh (And_miasmatic) ; We tread thy spongy meads and vales (With curse emphatic). Our pulses beat with vernal joy (Or vernal fever), Thou winsome, witching, smiling spring! (Thou arch-deceiver !) now the time for love and song (And stomach bitters) A time to banish care and grief (And buckwheat fritters), A time to doff our winter gloom (But not our flannels), To frisk and leap with gladsome cry (Like foolish spaniels). The spring-time brings new joy to all (Mad merry-makers !)— To princes, peasants, priests and clerks (And undertakers). P.F.B. England and America HILE both England and America have plenty of economic ills, in one respect at least England has the dis- tinct advantage of us in being able to lay the blame for them on free trade. This we cannot do. In another respect, however, we have the advantage of England in our possessing a protective tariff for blame-laying purposes, a luxury of which she cannot boast Furthermore, we are wise enough to impress upon her our superiority by sell- ing our goods to her more cheaply than to ourselves. This must be very humil- iating to England's proud spirit Ellis O. Jones. Commercially Expressed HE exigencies of the occasion com- pelled the city editor to assign the young financial reporter to write the ac- count of the ball. He was instructed to give particular attention to a description of the costumes of the ladies, The fol- lowing excerpts from his report have been preserved : “Miss Blimmers was the object of a good deal of flurry at the opening of the ball, Bidders were enthusiastic. She wore a spangled dress and was conspicu- ous during the season at about 187, pre- ferred."* “Mrs, Marriem made her first appear- ance since her last divorce. She has been resting at the springs, and the re- organization sets her at par.”” “Miss Newwun, in a simple white dress, was a tentative offering at the start, but within an hour jumped to 275 There was at that time a great scramble, but the lucky bidder, who is said to have been planning a squeeze, was Mr. Dash.’? “Miss Boldun wore a costume that was 40, 30 and 10 off.”” Jack Says HAT economy is the word used by our neighbor with reference to his stinginess. That a wise woman will choose the “slow coach "’ in preference to the fast male. That the womap who named her son Romeo did a quite unnecessary thing. That a fool and his advice are soon parted. That some one should urge the gos- sips to organize in favor of shorter hours. Ethel Claire. OWARD: She has a speed of one hundred words a minute. Cowarp: Who? Your stenographer? Howarp: No; my wife. SISTER! AS OTHERS SEE US comicbooks.com