Life — February 17, 1910 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Arizona Bill: surrerw’ ME FER A BRONCHO, EVERY TIME! The Book of the O'Possum Being a little ready-reference manual of administrative problems and perplexities, not intended for circulation among the opposition. Panama Canal: A miasmatic, insatiable ditch purchased from the French for a sum it is criminal libel to mention, and which is designed for navigation by the American mer- chant marinc—if said merchant marine is ever subsidized into being. The Canal, which will be finished in 191 17, of '29, or '83, was at first estimated to cost about $150,- 000,000, but careful mathematicians have quadrupled the cost for every chief engineer that has resigned, and are still figur- i icaragua: A Central American banana-plantation in- habited by revolutionists, liberators, major-generals, Harding Davis heroes and employees of the United Fruit Company. Nicaragua was established early in the nineteenth century for the express purpose of rendering His Satanic Majesty green with envy at the poor showing he was making with his own subterranean inferno. Revolutions and holidays are observed alternately in this happy land. Insurgents: A group of long-haired, grim-jawed, wordy mid-western gentlemen who, having observed in the inter- mediate geography that Rhode Island is the smallest State in the Union, are inclined to make a hig noise about it. A hardy, inconciliatory set who thrive and rolf up great pluralities under the fiercest cannonading and profanity The New Tariff: “The best thing that ever happened.""— Aldrich’s Unrevised Lexicon. “The worst hodge-podge ever enacted."’—Lafollette’s Weekly Magazine. But business hes been good Pinchot: A servant of the public good bent on conserv- ing the future breakfast-food supply of the nation whether school keeps or not. Ballinger: Another servant, cte., who is willing to take all his breakfast-food right now. Ship Subsidy: A pleasant asset which no interoceanic transportation company should be without. Designed to raise our merchant navy above the rank of the Haytian and to give our Dreadnoug' sites South simos. something to protect be- American bucko-general- Railroads i spite of the optimists there see to be a disposition to do something This is a great m take. We cannot be too careful of our railroads. Our railroads are important arteries of commerce. Any attempt to restrict stock “ water- ing" would seriously affect Wall Street, and our railroads could not possibly run without that ten-to-three band of pa- triots, How could a Wall Street ticker be interesting, to say nothing of profit- able, if it were always to quote a stock at just what it was worth? with our railroads. SsNakes ! In the Future HAT are you doing with those field glasses? "" asked the mother. “Oh,"" said the daughter, as she turned her gaze skyward again, “I am looking for Jack; he said he would be ‘down’ this evening.” Up to Date LD Sousem is carrying his drinks remarkably well of late,”” observes the man with the undecided mustache. He used to get pretty wobbly, but I notice now that no mat- ter how much he drinks he always walks as straight as a chalk- line."* “Yes,"" explains the man with the nervous Adam's apple. “T understand he has bad himself fitted with one of these gyroscope balance wheels such as they use on the new mono- railway THE STARS AND STRIPES EARLY IN LIFE WASHINGTON MAD PREMONITIO! PUTURE. oF THE comicbooks.com