Life — January 27, 1910 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE: CLUB OF fy JOLLY This up-to-date motor car leaves our office every hour during clear weather. Only regular customers taken. Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau (No Connection With Any Other Establishment) WING to an unprecedented rush of business, and several other circumstances beyond our control, we have tem- porarily gotten far behind in our orders, and must therefore beg the indulgence of ovr new customers. If we are obliged to keep them waiting it is no fault of obs. We have only one pair of arms and, even though we know its quality (which modesty prevents us from dilating upon), only one brain. We cannot leave the details of our business to alien hands, as it is too delicate to be trusted to others, but now that Christmas and New Years have happily passed we expect soon to catch up. The following letter is a fair sample of some of those we have been in receipt of : Husnanos’ Cor, Burkav. Dear Sirs: Some weeks ago I put my care in your hands, and have been anxiously waiting to hear from you. beyond the mere acknowledgment of my first remittance. As 1 fully explained to you, my life isa hell on earth. Either retuen’ my money or get bus Yours, p— C Immediately upon receipt of this letter we placed our friend's name in our Hell on Earth Department, according to the information received, but afterwards, in checking up his case, we found that he had been mistaken and that his case was not nearly so bad. his wife having only mild suffragitis and was rather fond of dress, with no idea of money. We therefore had to readjust our treatment This ieads us to say that our customers should be as exact as possible in their description of their sufferings. In ordinary seasons we have time to look them up beforehand, but during a rush like the present we have to take their state- ments for granted. We have several different classes of treatmen:, namely, “simple incompatibility,” “compound in- compatibility,” and “hell on earth."’ Naturally when we get the cases mixed up, through misrepresentations, we cannot answer for the consequences. We expect to bring this gen- tleman’s wife around into a better frame of mind in a week or so. In the meantime, we advise him—as he seems to be young and tender, and not inured to all the storm and stress of married life—to come on and get cheered up by our enter- tainment committee This year we have an unusual programme. We shall not be able to see customers ourself for some time to come, but the tail stately blonde to the left as you enter will sce that everybody is taken care of. Among other things we have special Sceing-the-Stage-Entrances-Auto, which leaves our Sacnerons headquarters promptly every nig at eleven, and through the courtesy of the Theatrical Trust takes in everything of interest. Full programme of our entertain- ment committee mailed on request. Not long ago we notified our branch offices that they would be discontinued, as we found that the managers, with practically no ex- ception, were a bad lot, and were trying to get our business away from us. Since then several of them have tried wo start rival agencies, but without success. This, however, has been a severe strain, and coupled with our suffra- gette campaign has been the cause of much of the delay in treating our customers. We repeat that we have no quar- rel with the suffragettes. Appar ently our recent action has been much misunderstood. Many of them, as we have repeatedly stated, are handsome women, and we wouldn't have any difficulty with them for worlds. On the other hand, we shall have to stand by our principles. We understand that several Newport ladies have risen up against us, and are distributing literature calculated to do us ADVICE TO AVIATORS A FEATHER-TICK IS A GOOD THING TO HAVE AROUND IN A THUNDERSTORM. comicbooks.com