Life, 1910-01-06 · page 40 of 76
Life — January 6, 1910 — page 40: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces targeting early 1900s American society: **"The Clinching Argument"** mocks automobile salesmen's persuasiveness. A car salesman clinches a sale by claiming he's sold identical cars to his fiancée and prospective father-in-law—implying the vehicles are so reliable they've strengthened family bonds. The joke: he's using personal relationships, not product merit, to overcome the buyer's hesitation. **"Infallibilities"** critiques Rev. Charles F. Aked's admission that the Bible isn't infallible. The satire targets religious uncertainty: if even clergy doubt scripture's perfection, what absolute authority remains for ordinary people in moral emergencies? The mention of Rockefeller (a major church donor) adds irony about wealth's influence on doctrine. **"The Modern Mechanic"** presents a boastful motorist who claims mastery of every automotive technical detail—yet admits he's "cribbed" this knowledge "by mail" and still hasn't actually owned a car. The satire mocks the gap between mechanical pretension and actual experience in the automobile age.
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The Clinching Argument YOUNG MAN representing a well- known make of motor car had called, discussed intelligently the points of the gutomobile he was endeavoring to sell, had given a flawless demonstra- tion: But the prospective amateur motorist before mortgaging his house still wanted to be thoroughly convinced and so he said: “What you say about your car may be all rij The engine runs very nicely and it looks good to me; but tell me one thing—have you ever sold any of these your own personal friends? The salesman smiled. “Have I! Why, three months ago I was engaged to a girl, and I sold one of these identical her-in-law.’ cars to cars to my prospective f Did you marry the girl?” “Yes, indeed. I've now got the girl, an contented father-in-law, and an en: thusiastic customer as well.” He made the sale “aE Infallibilities HE Rev. Charles F. Aked recentl; admitted that the Bible is not - fallible. This is a dangerous admission. ‘the fact, moreover, that Mr. Aked is pastor of the church to which Mr. John D. Rockefeller belongs makes it no less Cangerous. What are we poor mortal laymen to do—to say nothing of the preachers to whom it is often a bread-and-butter ques- lion—if we are not to have something infallible to fall back on in emergencies? For centuries the Bible has served as such a cushion. During all those years the only sure way to close an argument was to open the Book The human race is still an infant in- dustry. It is unable to stand alone. It cannot get along without an infallibility in its medicine chest. If not the Bible. A SUGGESTION UTLER: Lady Gr. and the new cook are waiting below stairs, madam. Mrs. Frost: Show the cook up first, Jorkins. Lady Gray can wait, but the cook won't Chauffeur: you'p BETTER LOOK OUT. “WHY, ARE YOU COMING BACK? MOTIVE POWER YOR JOY RIDERS The Modern Mechanic O" I'm a professional auto-man! A driver of daring and skill. In goggles and cap I'm a stunning chap, Gotten up in a style to kill. I know all the merits of each machine In every pagticular part; There isn’t a thing from a spoke to a spring That I haven't got down by heart. In friction, ignition, combustion and power, In sprockets, and ratchets, and cams, I'm right up in front, and can do every stunt When the jams. Rarefaction, velocity, fuel viseuosity, Cylinders, throttles and pumps, Are simple to me as A B and C, When the thingumbob sputters and jumps, Of jacking and packing, connectors and sectors, Flanges, and bevels, and joints; Of shaft revolution and weight distri bution 1 know all the decimal points. Selective control is dead easy to me, The battery simply a snap: The plug of the spark I could see in the dark, Fix the nozzle while taking a nap. The mud-guards I know from the lamps at a glance, The tires I can tell from the brakes: Valves, clinches and strokes are me- chanical jokes, Ratios, mathematical fakes. Garages, speedometers, gasoline, bration, displacement and Bolts, rivets and chains, and strains, I can talk of in technical phrase. There's cnly one thing I am waiting for now, Ere my .knowledge can fully prevail: If I only could steal an automobile! I have cribbed all the rest by mail. Frederick Moxon, what-yer-may-call-it-em tanks, sprays: co-efficients comicbooks.com