Life, 1909-12-02 · page 32 of 80
Life — December 2, 1909 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page presents satirical letters purporting to be from famous figures of the era, each revealing their character through their Christmas wishes to Santa. **Key figures and satire:** - **Willie Taft** (President): Requests a "dynamite bomb" for "Uncle Joe" (likely Senator Joseph Cannon), and a new Congress—mocking political dysfunction. - **Little Jack Rockefeller**: Ironically claims poverty while asking for a million dollars, satirizing the famous wealthy family. - **Tony Comstock**: From the "Vice Society," requests a whip to beat non-believers—mocking moral crusaders as tyrannical. - **Andy** (cartoonist/illustrator): Makes crude jokes about tariffs and "squeezing people." - **Emily Pankhurst**: The British suffragette requests "Votes for Women" for all girls—advancing the contemporary women's suffrage movement. - **Theodore Roosevelt** ("Terrible Ted"): Wants rifles and ammunition, satirizing his reputation as a hunter and militarist. - **Billy Hohenzollern** (German Kaiser): Requests "Dreadnoughts" (warships), mocking militarism and imperial arms races. The satire targets political corruption, wealth inequality, moral hypocrisy, militarism, and gender discrimination through these "wish lists."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LASPEG LIFE earces 2. Letters to Santa Claus Delivered by James S. Metcalfe Wasutxctox, December 2 Dear Santa—I live here in a big white house and no matter what chimney you come down you cannot help finding me. But how do you do it? I couldn’t do it, although the chimneys at our house are big of their size. Bring me any- thing you want to for Christmas except possum and things like that to eat. If you know any other little boy who would like a nice new Congress in his stocking you can give him one I've got here, because I haven't any use for it. And, dear Santa, please put a nice big dynamite bomb in Uncle Joe's stocking. No more at present from yours truly, Wituie Tart. TaeytowN-on-THE-GoLF-Linx, Dec, 18. My pear Mr, Santy Ktaws.—My folks are poor people and I haven't got any money to make Christmas presents with. Please put a million dollars in my stock- ing so I can give some to Lire’s Fresh Air Fund and to other poor little boys and girls. Yours truly, Litrte Jack RocKeretter. P. S—I am not pretty, dear Mr. Santy, but I am a good little boy. J.D.R. Orrice or tHe Vice Soctety, New Yorx. Santa Cravs.—I don't believe there’s any such person as you. I don’t believe there's anything clean or beautiful or decent anywhere, and I want for a Christmas present a big, strong whip to beat other boys with if they don’t believe as I do. Don’t bring me any picture books or things like that. They're all bad. And you might bring me some money, too. I'm not going to hang up my stocking, for stockings are wicked. Yours, Toxy Comstock. Sximno Castie. Fietn Avenue, New York. Hoot, Sawnta, you don’t know your business, mon. I'm in the Sawnta Claus line mysel’, an’ if you want to have fun when you put anything in a stockin’ tie a good strong string to it. I always do that when I give libraries away. Anpy. deer santy if you are goin’ to be so Foolish as to give sumthin’ away for Nothin pleez put in my Stockin’ a nice Big strong pare of High tarif tongs so i can go Out an’ skweeze peepul with them. Ures truly piccy trust United States Tue Womay’s Surrrace Civr. Monday. Dear Santa—I am a little English girl far away from my own dear English home, where I really ought to be, but I came over here to help the little American automobiles, and they never let them give extravagant entertainments. All American men make them do their own cooking and washing and take care of large families of babies. And when little American girls go to work they are only paid twice what they are worth instead of getting a man’s pay. I don't want anything for myself, but please put in every little girl’s stocking VOTES FOR WOMEN. Your little friend, © Eamy Panxitursr. Tue Hatt, New York. To Disterct Leaver Saxta CLavs: Dear Sir.—This is a hard-luck year for tigers, and the more you can put in socks the better, Although the m elected Mayor is a Gaynor I am sure enough a loser. (That's a joke, but I've ta cut lip and can’t laugh.) And that’s no joke! Yours, Taataany. Maso Weao, East Aprica. Dear Saxta Ctavs.—Please put in my stocking three - peating elephant-bore rifles and something to kill. And don’t forget to have that nomination ready for my stocking in 1912. Please put a copy of my latest book, “Terrible Ted the Traveling Terror,” in Willy Taft’s stocking, so he won't for- get me. Yours for sport, Tenoy R. Porspam, Tuesday. Drax Kriss Krixcir.—Please bring me three dozen Dread- noughts and a modest disposition. Your friend, Brity Honexzouern. Cotongn Craus. Dear Sir.—I should like to find in my sock a million new subscribers for The Commoner. This stirring up the public to the necessity of having me for a continuous candidate is expensive and I need the money (all kinds taken, gold and greenbacks as well as silver). Yours truly, Wittyus J. Bryan, The Perpetual Runner. P. S. If I should be elected this time I have in mind a very nice appointment for you. Arctic Ciun. Dear Saxta.—Please put in my stocking Cook's head on a charger. Also some sense. Yours, Peary Tur Peexiess Poutsr. Dear Santa Cravs.—When you come down from the Arctic regions at Christmas time please bring me some au- thentic data about the pole. I need them in my business. Yours sincerely, Tue Onty Ortcinat. Orv Doctor Coox. P. S. Next year come to Copenhagen girls who are all so badly treated by Q s The Pole Discoverer, American men. They don’t give them any ak & P. S. Could you also put in my stock- fine clothes, or jewels, or absurd bats, or ee ing a little salve to cure nail holes? go to the opera or have fine houses and I'm going to live where I'm believed. comicbooks.com