Life — November 18, 1909 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

702 “LAE 'E * The Jeffries-Johnson Fight Reported ky Our Miss Ethel Celery Whangbun for the Perfect Ladies’ Journal. lus. trated by Our Special Artist, Miss Rosina Chippin Mauve Pasamadena, Califada. FIRST CIRCULAR wes the bell rang the two nasty brutes climbed through the hittle fence and shook hands. This was polite, but if they had been attentive readers of our journal they would have known bet- ter than to keep on their gloves. I spoke to the referee about it and he apologized and said that Mr. Jetiries and Mr. Johnson had only been subscribers for three months «J possibly may have missed the September number that contains my page, “The Mills of the Gods,” which deals exclusively with Ring; side Etiquette SECOND CIRCULAR Mr. Jobnson, drawing hi is full height, and with a look of mingled hatred, scorn, pity and unconcern, said: “ Mr. Jeffries, I'm going to give you a frightful smack in a minute!"’ Mr. Jefiries smiled at himself in his little mirror, which he had taken out of his vanity bag, and replied: “Mr. Johnson, thank you, but [am not allowed, even were I inclined, to accept presents from colored gen- tlemen!"" Johnson Lit his cheek with rage— on the inside THIRD CIRCULAR Nothing unpleasant happened in this circular, the time being given up to massaging the parties of the first and second parts with Assyrian cre. (We ceipt already in the ber.) Mr. Johnson w have given this re- August nu granted an extra two minutes to remove a few freckles. (See July number, under K B) FOURTH CIRCULAR The tinued. Mr. refreshed, con Jeffries was waltzing beau: pugilists, now some really The Boil s speak of him, for and struck the tifully and Johnson doing remarkable negro. steps. Mir, as his associa got himself for an “darky" (as 1 porter speak of him) on the nose, saying overheard a vulgar re as he did so: “ The nasal voice, so com mon in this country, and on account of which we suffer many gibes from for cigners, is often caused by —' Just then Johnson, losing complete con- trol of his temper, deliberately emptied the sachet powder out of his sheer batiste gloves and threw it in Mr. Jeffries’ face. Cries of “Foul!” Also some other remarks, which I blush to recollect, and cannot set down unless Mr. Mock can use them in an editorial FIFTH CIRCULAR I was talking to Rosina Mauve about didn’t see how she was going to do it unless she just drew and left out the rest, be- Mock is very refined and these nm are not quite properly Rosina laughed mysteriously and said, “ You'll see!" her illustration. I their heads cause—well, Mr. clothed SIXTH crrcvuLaR Everyone in the “squared circle * (that sounds expert) got to quarreling, including the two valets with the hand The dispute started with Johnson pinching Jeffries below the knee. The embroidered towels. Boiler Mfr.'s friends cried: “ De- the negro!’ Jeffries kept his |, nevertheless, and waited for an opening, which came when Johnson yawned. The referee whispered to Jef- fries as he pretended to light a cheroot, “ Now's your chance, sir!” Jefiries cleverly seemed not to hear him and walked over to Johnson with his hand behind his back. But Johnson had finished yawning when he got there, so Jeffries pretended he was looking for a piece of a cigar. There is finesse in these things. SEVENTH CIRCULAR Jeffries had hardly walked to the center of the ring when Johnson gave him what they call a “ hook-and-eye,"?- which is a bias stroke, and painful when the hook meets the eye. It was really a brutal assault. I have never witnessed such a thing before, even between editors and authors. Jef- fries gave him a look—I shall never forget that look—it was the look of a wounded thing. And then he swooned I gave him mental treatment as he lay there, and as I held the good thought for him a thrill of life seemed to pass along his keel and he shivered, smiled, and rose and said: “ Johnson, if you don’t stop picking on me I shall hurt you!"? You must remember he had been under a strain, Then they began striking each other when the referee wasn’t looking. I must have fainted then. The last thing T remember was someone crying “Oh, mercy!’* and a sort of old rose spray in the air. Epochs EPoctemagise proved an at- tractive calling. There was considerable distinction to be won by it and, besides, a reputable epoch- maker couldn't possibly write any- thing which the magazines wouldn't jump at Naturally, the correspondence schools offered cheap and epoch-making, popular courses in and soon there were more epochs than could by any possibility be got into the calendar. An attempt to form with a curtailing pro duction, resulted in nothing tangible ex cpoch-makers* union, view to cept riot and bloodshed But all at once an exceptionally con ht himself of revising the tariff on pumpkins upward, structive statesman betho thus to divert the masses from epoch makir slture. expedient was the situation relieved— one epoch was made to dawn where two to agric By so simple an had dawned before, and the statesman was voted the greatest benefactor of his age. comicbooks.com