Life — October 21, 1909 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE hielets REALLY DELIGHTFUL JUST RIGHT AFTER DINNER Try Them! Mergutter chtctets 9 your actehe ten cents tora samy ers with Chictetas & COMPANY, Inc. Vicarious Tue first grade teacher had been able to spank Tommy with the greatest enthusiasm, buf his next teacher had not reached the point where she felt she could do justice to him in spite of all his naughtiness. “Send him to me when you want him spanked,” said the first grade teacher one morn- ing, after her colleague had related his many misdemeanors About eleven o'clock Tommy first. grade teacher's door. She dropped her work, seized him by the arm, dragged him to the dressing room, turned him over her knee and did her duty. When she had finished Tommy, what have you to say Please, miss, my teacher wants the scissors.”” erybody’s. appeared at the she said, “ Well, His Charity He was poor, but otherwise honest, and he had just proposed to the heiress. " Are you sure,” she queried after the manner of her kind, “that you do not want to marry me for my money?” “Of course I don't," he replied. “Tam anxious to marry you because I haven’t the heart to let you become an old maid merely hecause you happen to have a paltry half-million.” —The Wasp. Mrs. Graham's HAIR RESTORER TRIAL BOTTLE FREE Gray or faded hair always § ives an aged appearance. You can Gok younrer as you #1 the aid of Mra. Graham's: . Perfectly harmless—easily applied. Makes the bair rich and jers or by mall. 64-page MRS. GERVAISE GRAHAM, 1585 Michigan Avenee, Chicago, tll, Yeave tn November amt Jansary, ORIENTAL TOURS ts tao and February. WORLD TOURS Twelve Toursin 9:0toralipars 4, NOvyeeet, Teer t0 Spain. Sicily of Exrope, including Oberammerg su. i! <4 DE POTTER TOURS (°:,) The Proper Authority There was consternation among the young folks of the parish. The “music” for the danc- ing at the picnic in the glen had gotten into trouble. No one ever considered any other “music” but Joey the Fiddler. He was indis- pensable, but he was also erratic. In the old country Jocy had been a school teacher and a man of considerable learning. but here he had fallen into evil ways. He was overfond of two things—a bottle and an argument. Having be- come engaged in the latter on this day of the picnic, he broke the former over the head of his opponent and was hauled away to the lockup The young pcople called a hasty meeting and ap: pointed a committee to wait upon Squire Nugent to secure the release of the “m; if possible The squire was hearing Jocy’s case when the committee arrived. The spokesman respectfully explained the absolute necessity of Jocy’s pres ence at the picnic that da That's a good soul, put in Joey The ‘squire tock down a ponderous law book and began, thoughtfully, 10 turn the pa “If you're lookin’ for the legal authority cov- erin’ my case, squire, ye'll find it in Byron,’” the Prisoner suggested “Can you quote it?" with a twinkle in his eye. “Aye! so I can," Jocy promptly retorted. “It reads: ‘On with the dance; let Joey be uncon- fined.’ The squire adjudged Byron a competent av thority, and Joey was unconfined.—The Catholic Standard ond Times. NEW YORK syuire; Vave me go asked the magistrate, Your best negatives deserve, and your poorer negatives need:— VELOX It's the only paper that is made with sole reference to the require- of the amateur negative. reeloper and finisher doemn't use MEMES we Wehil tell Jon Of one NEPERA DIVISION, Eastman Kodak Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y. The Best Proof Little Ted, seven years old, was sent to the bathroom for a “good scrub*' before dinner, but returned so quickly that his mother declared he couldn't possibly have washed himself. He replied, “ Truly I did, mother; and if you don't believe it, you can just go to the bathroom and look at the towel.’’—Judge. “Dav, what sort of a bureau is a matrimonial bureau? "’ “Oh, any bureau that has five drawers full of women's fixings and one man’s tie in it."’"— Houston Post. 32 Broadway | Cocktails A Bottled Delight | When youmix acocktail, you take chances. When you use CLUB Cock. TAILS you don't cven have to mix. Just pour over cracked ice and you'll have the most deli- cious and satisfy. ing drink you ever tasted. They can't help being better than the mixed at random kind, Martini (gin base) Man- hattan(whis key base) are always popular. C.F. HEUBLEIN & BRO. Hartford New York “Men pf that sort—men of that stv treat us women like little childre: They take no account ‘of y are like old Calhoun White, Old Calhoun walked down the one morning in his best black broarle with a white rose in his buttonhole gloves on his large hands “*Why, Calhoun,’ said the barber ga holiday 2° Dish yere,’ said the old man io \oice, ‘dish yere am mah goldin’ welding, sh Ab’ 'm sallybratin® “But your wife,’ said the barber. *'s T saw her at the tub as f Why isn’t she celebrating. too?’ “*Her?’ said Calhoun angrily. got nuffin’ to do with it, She's mah fc Tribune. are yor 1 stately working ame ost Summer Engagements : When shall we get marricd? 2: Oh, John! why do you take our engaet ment so seriously ?—Flicgende Blactter The product of the best malt and hops. perfect saturally aged. Promotes digestion, fod. The best ale and best health be At leading Hotels, Restaurants and Cafes a A. G. 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