Life — September 16, 1909 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

French Natural Sparkling Table Water For palates and digestions tired by the use of arti- ficial waters PERRIER is a refreshing discovery. Pure and delicate—spark- ling with its own natural gas Leamed It by Ear The dear hitle girl then arose, bowed, and re- cited it in this manner: “Lettuce Denby up N Dewin; Widow Hartford N. E. F Still H. E. Ving still per Su Learn to label Aunty Waite.’ Then, with the tumultuous applause of the audience ringing in her ears, she sat down in happy confusion —Chicago Tribune. Better Stick to the Bench A colored man was brought before a Police Judge charged with stealing chickens. He pleaded guilty and received sentence, when the Judge asked how it was he managed to lift those chickens right under the window of the owner's house when there was a dog loose in the yard. “Hit wouldn't be no use, Jud ”* said the man, “to try to ‘splain dis thing to yo’-all. Ef you was to try it you like as not would get yer hide full of shot an’ get no chickens, nuther. Ef yo" want to engage in any rascality, Judge, yo’ better stick to de bench, whar yo’ am familiar. Ladies’ Home Journal. A Family Affair Willie, a little country boy, six years of age, was taken ene Sunday night to a large city church, where he saw for the first time a vested choir, To his mother’s surprise and gratification, he not only kept wide awake, but seemed greatly interested in every part of the service. At its close he turned to her and said, “I like this church, it is so nice to watch the preacher when he comes out with all his wives in their night- gowns.""—Harper’s Magazine. Sold “Tt makes you look small,"’ said the sales- lady to the elephantine woman who was trying hat lat “It makes you look plump,’’ she said to the cold, attenuated damsel akes you look young,’’ she said to the , and forty female kes you look older,”’ she said to the sums miss. kes you look short,”’ she said to the “It brings out your color,’ she said to the feminine ghost. Sold! And, of course, all the hats were exactly alike.—Sketch tee ALLENS FOOT-EASE Bad News for Our Doctors “And now that you are finished with college, what are you going to do “T shall study medicine."" HEADACHES 10¢, 28¢, 50c, and $1.00 Bottles. “ Rather crowded profession already isn't it?” “Can't help that. I shall study medicine, and those who are already in the profession will have to take their chances, that’s aW! "Pick. Me-Up. Asmeyitte, N. C.: The four-season resort of the WANox, the English-like Inn of Astevith Didn't Care for Him Little Eleanor’s mother was an Americas, while her father was a German. One da after Eleanor had been subjected to rather severe disciplinary measures at the hands of her father, she called her mother into ; om, closed the door significantly, and. s. “Mother, I don't want to meddle in your ness, but I wish you'd send that hush yours back to Germany. Age, Flavor, THE LEADING CHARACTERISTICS OF HUNTER BALTIMORE wucaatase Ir was related over a dinner-table the other night that when Max Beerbohm bout to step into G. B. Pshaw’s shoes on the “ Saturday,” and the delicate question of salary eropped up, somebody in authority said : “Well, we have been paying Pshaw (—) guineas a week, but of course Mr. B., as you are comparatively a beginner, you could scarcely expect so much. “Oh, indeed, but I shall want a bit nore,” said Max, enthusiastically, “for whereas Pshaw had it all at his fingers’ ends I've got to £0 through the fag of getting it all up! "—Sporting Times. GREAT BEAR SPRING WATSR “Its purity has made it famous" comicbooks.com