Life — August 26, 1909 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oe el Harold and His Pa OUNG Harold was growing up to be a nice boy. He had successfully passed the knickerbocker stage, and was beginning to affect Tuxedos in the even- ing and to pore over his Latin declen- sions. He was a thoughtful boy also, and pleased his parents’ hearts very much, although at times they thought him too inquisitive. They realized, however, that this came from a naturally inquiring mind and bore with him as best they could. One day Harold said to his pa: “Say, Pa, I've been thinking about aft You mean our worthy President?” “Yes. I see by some of the papers that he isn’t making good."* “My son, you mustn't believe all that you see in the papers. Besides, even if what you have stated in such vulgar lan- guage is true, you should remember that it is the duty of every American citizen to respect the office.”” “That's only your idea, I'm not respecting offices as much as I was. Somehow the price of everything has gone up so much that I don’t quite feel like it. I have to pay over thirty per cent. baseballs than I did a couple of years ago. There's no justice in that, Taft is a big blow, isn't he?” “Not at all! My boy, you have an en- tirely erroneous idea of our worthy—" “Now, Pop, let's get down to busi- ness. Just because you weigh over two hundred pounds yourself you are deter- mined to stand by Taft. But why do it? Why, if you and me can come to an agreement about this whole matter, there'll be something doing.” “T fail to grasp your meaning."” “You can do it without half trying. Ain't we the country? Well, let's get busy with Taft. He needs a new back bone. Let’s make him make good. All we have to do is to make a noise about it—just let everybody know that we are dissatisfied, and he'll have to stand up nd assert himself.” Just wait a moment, Harold. I will explain to your immature mind the whole situation. Listen carefully, please, as it is very important. Under Mr. we had a disturbing time. more for Roosevelt A—" “You mean a knock down and drag out time. Yes, I know about that.’” “Well, now the country needs rest. Prosperity is ahead. Everything is go- ing up. All is harmony. Now you come in with your wild ideas and assert that Mr. Taft is ‘not making good.’ Harold, I am surprised at you,"” “I get your idea, Pa. Ta old nurse, with a poultice in one hand and a hot-water bottle in the other, to ay nothing of a package of dope pow ders up his sleeve. And your idea is that we skould just lie down and let him come up, Really, is a nice nd soothe our foreheads, nd swallow our lovely tariff medicine, and drowse away a bit until we begin to feel strong and well again. Not for me! There's nothing the matter with me- except Taft. I'd like to do something to him. Why doesn’t he get his back up nd take a fall out of the Senate? Oh, ay, he makes me tired! “But, Harold dear, you expect 100 much. We are confronted by vast prob- lems. The age have most acute minds of the iled to solve th 1— “Say, Pa, honest now, bas old man Rockefeller solved them? I How about Andy Carnegie, and Tommy Ryan, and Joe Cannon, and Jim Hill, and Belmont, and the rest of the bunch? Have they solved ‘em? 1 Don’t talk to me. Now agree with me about “My if—" guess yes, guess. yes. if you will only raft, why hoy, you fail to understand. “Say you'll soak him one."* I cannot. My patriotism- Pa, you know what you are “What, Harold?’ “You're a mollycoddle. If you were- n't we'd have Taft just where we wanted him. Why, he'd be doing things.”’ “You shock me, Harold." “Pass it along to Taft, will you And Harold, looking very much dis comfited, went off to knock a few flies on the ball field and get the whole mis erable business off his mind Here's a jolly Christian Scientist— Hear everybody scoff! A pain was in his head, but He simply laughed it off. EVER UNREASONABLE JOUN, 1 THOUGHT THE AGENT SAID THIS MACHINE € WOMAN! Mrs. Peck ULDN'T BE BEAT, AND THERE ARE SE SNIPPY LIT- TLE CASHES GOING BY US AS IF WE WERE STANDING STILL. Why He Ran So Hard HE excited man dashes through the gates just as the train is leaving An equally excited woman sh at him from the eks madly rear platform sprints for the train, but it gains head way and leaves him standing in the mi dle of the track, perspiring and breath- less “ Why did you run so hard, Colonel?” asks a track hand. “That's the limited Might ‘a’ knowed you couldn't catch it after it started.” “knew blamed well I couldn't catch it. I wanted to miss it, but that was my wife on the back platform and I had to put up a bluff.” HEN a man’s main claim to con- sideration rests on the fact that he belongs to an “old family ’* sign that his family is too old. it isa comicbooks.com