Life — August 19, 1909 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE™ Who's Who on Olympus By Joun Kexprick Baxos DIANA na, —Artemus Luna, twin sister of Apollo, and known, therefore, to Olympian society as one of the heavenly twins, An old maid by conviction, though under suspicion for many centuries of concealing a man in the moon, which she has always used as a celestial bungalow. First’ woman to wear rainy-day skirts, and to go in for manly pursuits like hare and hounds, golf, deer-hunting, diabolo and archery, instead of the more feminine sports of knitting, embroidery, bridge and bringing up children. Best swimmer in the Olym- pian four hundred, but declined always to give public ex- hibitions of ber natatorial prowess; went so far as to transform an inquisitive reporter of the Olympus Daily Pecp into a stag for having attempted to interview her at a private view. Quite prominent as a nature faker, de- veloping extraordinary skill in turning individuals who had displeased her into bears, lions, foxes, stags or heifers, ac- cording to the whim of the moment, which even Jupiter bh self, the leading authority on natural history, could not tell from the genuine article. Traveled much, generally disguised as a bear, into which she could turn herself at a moment's notice, and in this form was worshiped by the Arcadians quite as devoutly as was President Zeusvelt, in similar guise, in later years by the Theodorians. Considered a more than capable child's nurse by her Olympian neighbors, by whom she was frequently called in to assist in the affairs of the nursery, and has come from this to be known as the deity of the maiden aunt, and to lend color to the superstition that when it comes to bringing up children an ordinary mother is a hopeless ignoramus compared to her or her husband’s un- married sister. Recreations: Dancing and archery. Address, The Tower, Madison Square Garden, Olympus. hoebus Apollo. — Editor of the Sun, and leading musical critic of Olympus. Early developed powers of which enabled him to get many beats on his con- Established chains of prophecy temporaries in the matter of news pool-rooms in all sections of the Greek and Roman Empires as branch offices of The Oracles, from which patrons and yearly subscribers could Ivance information upon all m: or private interest, from horse- racing 10 weather reports. Much consulted by leading members of various churches as to what the future was bringing to them, and as an adjunct to the brokerage con cern of J. D. Mercury and Company was of inestimable value to speculators intrusting their margins to that flourishing in stitution. President The Consolidated Light and Power Com pany; chairman board of directors Day and Night Av mated Glim Trust, controlling the illuminating product of the Sun and its subsidiary enterprise, the Moon. Foretold with wonderful accuracy all the music of the future, including Wag ner, De Koven, George M. Cohan and Broadway secure ters of pull PHOEBUS APOLLO to the Lyre what Paderewski has since become to the piano, but played only his own compositions, and those only by ear Was considerable of an epicure, feeding wholly upon nectar and ambrosia, a diet which brought him perpetual youth, a quality which has been a notable characteristic of leaders in the musical world, especially the prima donnas, ever since. Banished from Olympus for encouraging discord in the Par- nassian Band and lived for a while on earth, giving series of outdoor concerts in Thessaly. Father of Aesculapius, and therefore grandfather of medicine; also reputed parent of Phaeton, founder of the Empyrean Cab Company. Address, The Belvidere Apartments, No. 7 Elysian Fields, West comicbooks.com