Life — August 19, 1909 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau ITHERTO we have successfully kept out of politics, and we shall continue to do so. Our business lies entirely with that great class of tired business men, down-hearted and discouraged husbands, who, alone and unaided, are not able to stand up for themselves. We aim to place them where they belong—at the head of their own households. It may take time and money, but we always do it We shall keep right on in our own province; at the sar y be just as well to answer our suffragette friends. letter from a suffragette camp in time it week we received ng to know where we stood on the woman sut- frage question. * the chairman wrote, “that we can no longer ignore the great power of your Bureau. As we perhaps you n suffrage or “We regret to say, understand that you make a boast of public will inform us whether you approve of wo: not. If not, we should like to meet delegates from your Bureau, with a view to effecting a compromise.” We beg to assure this lady and her associates that we were not born yesterday. As for sending our delegates into a suffragette camp, we value their lives too highly, to say nothing of their good name. But we appreciate the great compliment that is paid to us and our now universally recognized power, and we be- lieve that we are big and broad enough not to take advantage of the acknowledgment contained in the lady's letter. While we must refuse to be drawn into any public con- troversy, we will say that we see no objection to unmarried females between the ages of forty-five and ninety going into this movement, if they so desire. Not only they, but the coun- try at large, need to be amused and occupied with some. thing diverting. We do not see that this can do any harm. When the movement extends to beautiful, single ladies we have, however, a decided business objection. Neither can we sce that the suffragette movement among marriageable females is going to extend our trade. It may seem to some that this is a too frank expression of our own position, and proceeds from selfishness. Not at all. We have our pros- pective, as well as our regular customer's interest at heart on all occasions. Our own prosperity is closely bound up with the country's best interest. We are engaged in the busi- ness of making happy homes, and not in fostering political movements of a doubtful nature. We have just issued a cir- cular to some of our doubtful customers. Here is the gist of it: H.C. B. Cirenlar No. 81+ (Please acknowledge receipt.) If your wife suddenly develops suffragette tendencies, do not get rattled. Write ns at once, describing her symptoms fully. If neces- sary, wire. Incipient cases may oftentimes be checked at once. Don't neglect her at this crucial moment. Her revolt may be due to some mental disturbance, the cause of which lies in you Above all, don’t excite her. i Sometimes a judicious flirtation with another lady will bring ber to a normal condition. Don't be too rash, however. Be prepared to let go at any moment, if she relents. Ruy her all the glad rags in sight. time like this money is no object. . Don’t argu: with her on any political question, particularly th tariff. This will disclose your own ignorance a nd may fill her with 100 great a sense of her own civic duty If the trouble has advanced so far. before you are aware of that she has begun to write papers and make speeches, lose no ti It may break you, but at a SAME OLD STORY but come on at once. Only by pe nal interview with the head of our suffragette department can you hope to affect a cure. Our customers should remember that in case their wives have developed advanced suffragette tendencies we do not guarantee anything. They must be prepared to accept the worst. On the other hand, we aim to ameliorate their con- We can arrange to secure di- vorces at reasonable rates, although we never adopt this meas- ure except when absolutely necessary, as it is really on argu- ment against our methods. Anybody can get a divorce, but we are the only people whose sole aim it is to make a hus- band monarch of all he surveys. Our entertainment committee, in connection with this, is constantly enlarging its scope. We have just opened a Con- stantinople Branch in addition to the thriving one we have established in Paris. We must warn some people, however, that we have only one price to all. Here is a letter just re- ceived: dition as much as possible. Dear Sirs As an old customer, I call, your attention to the fact that Tam a Deacon in the Methodist Church, and am rather surprised that you are charging me full rates. Can't you issue commutation tickets to your vaudeville performances? I want to see your sextette of I think I am entitled to a discount ours, rt w— Never! To be candid with our friend, we don’t encour- We do the best we can by him, out of a sense at our own expense. age his trade { duty, but we can’t entertain hi One price for all! Poker room in our annex open all night. Reading room in charge of a competent librarian. If you bring your wife 1o town, register with us at once. We can save you time and Our motto is: Honi soit qui mal y pense. money Write, telegraph or cable, Huseaxps’ Corresroxpence Bureau. As to That NTERRUPTING her husband's mutterings, the fair young wife says: “Before we were married you would have been delighted to have buttoned my dress for me. Straightening up and mopping the perspiration from his brow, the brutal husbend retorts: “Huh! Before we were married you would have called the police if I had offered to do such a thing!" comicbooks.com