Life — August 19, 1909 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Boston OPOGRAPHICALLY, Boston is on the Charles River. Politically it is Irish. In- tellectually it is hot stuff. Spiritually it is Uni- tarian, Socially it is ——. With the possible exception of Concord and Salem, Boston has been less touched by the long arm of Progress and less blighted by the spirit of Modernity than any city in the Union. Most of its in- habitants have lived in the same house all their lives, and always know their neighbors—on cither side—well enough to speak to and, some- times, to mingle with socially. Culture in the common schools has been made there an obligatory course even in the clementary grades. It is the only place in America where you cannot determine how rich people are by their appearance or by the amount of money that they spend. The water side of Peacon Street is still the social whirlpool of Boston. On this dreary thoroughfare all lights are extinguished at ten p. m., and the wind blows harder than in any other part of the inhabited globe, except in certain portions of Africa con- tiguous to Mombassa. Typical Bostonians can readily be distinguished by their eyeglasses and overshoes, their irreproachable ancestry and their deplorable manners, Their forbears have intermarried to such an alarming extent that it is now impossible for the astutest anthropologists to distinguish a Saltonstall from a Cabot, a Curtis from a Silsbee or an Adams from a Codman. A rapid walk on Boyleston Street will reveal even to the most casual observer that the gentlemen, for the most part, carry green baize bags, while the ladies prefer a cheaper and The men usually wear felt a rule, airier reticule of woven rope. hats and “turn down’ collars, while the ladie: seldom wear garters—or figures in front. Telegrams are almost unknown in Boston, as intelligence will spread faster on, let us say, the water side of Beacon Street than it will from any known wireless telegraph station News of an engagement, a death or a divorce has been known to visit every home from the Somerset Club to the Fenway in less than eleven minutes, Greenwich time. In the early cighties a young lady of some social prominence was observed to kiss a Harvard undergraduate quite fervidly on the lips and in the Public Garden. In exactly eighteen minntes the inhabitants of Marblehead and Beverly Farms were fully and correctly apprised of the outrage, a feat that makes Paul Revere look like an A. D. T. messenger boy “GREAT HEAVENS! NO ONE WILL BELIEVE ME!" AERO CRUSOE, DISCOVERS a FOOTPRINT In Boston chaperons are not needed after dark. This onerous social duty is usually assumed by the drivers of Kenny & Clark's carriages. Boston has one hotel with revolving doors, a coat-room and a grill. The coat-room is presided over by two Wellesley college graduates, who read snatches of Henry James and wear eyeglasses and Congress gaiters. Marriages in Boston society are usually contracted less with a view to love than to grandfathers in good standing, a sum- mer residence in Nahant and a pew in Trinity Church or King's Chapel. A Monument to a Mental Defect NE William L. Gilbert left funds by will to build a high- school in Winsted, Connecticut, from which Roman Catholics should be excluded. Being unable to get the will amended, the town is about to build a high-school of its own, from which no child shall be excluded on religious grounds, There would have been some excuse for Gilbert if he had made his will a century ago, but as it was he has left his money for a monument to the defects in his intelligence Not Ready “YYTHAT caused the panic down at your church last night?” asks the friend “Tt was one of the pranks of that unregencrate young impkins!"? explains the deacon, “We were having a re- vival meeting, and nearly everybody had given his experience and testified to his conversion, and our souls were filled with joy, when that young rascal sailed over the church in his aeroplane, set off some red fire and skyrockets and bellowed through a megaphone, ‘Judgment Day is here!" comicbooks.com