Life — August 12, 1909 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau hereby offer an apology to our new customers for being so be- hindhand with our orders, but there has been such a rush of business in this of- fice that we can’t keep up with the de- mands made upon us. Have a little pa- tience—bear your wrongs a little longer, and we will get around to you in good time. We've been handicapped greatly by a lack of office help. We are obliged to employ ladies in this office, and on ac- count of our customers constantly dro: ping in on us it wouldn't be wise to em- any but the most fetching girls. an't afford to lose our trade, so we make a point of hiring beauty first and ability afterward. Sometimes our lady help—especially when they happen to be temporarily crossed in love—get into communication with the enemy and cause trouble. Here's a letter we have just received, which will give a fair idea of the burden we are carrying. Dear Sirs Tf you will Kindly glance over your books you will see that am one of your oldest ‘ons. I had my wife just where I want- i her—thanks to your admirable system, when it works—and she was actually getting so that she even consulted me before she bought so much as a shirtwaist, when last week she informed me that all her respect for me had vanished. I thought.” she went on, “that the courage you have been displaying toward me was inherent in you, and for this reason 1 was only too glad ruled by you. Now, however, I you are merely the tool of a corpora or whatever it calls itself." It seems A TWO-CYLINDER RUNABOUT in communication with some one in your o! T suspect who it is, too. She wouldn't show me the letter, but it cannot emanate from any one but the tall blonde on the left as you enter, whom I have chucked under the chin on numerous eccasions when T have visited you, and whom, on my last visit, I refused to. take to Coney Island, because I had a previous en- gagement. Now, gentlemen, what are you going to do about it? If you are cherishing traitors in your camp, ought your old cus: tomers to pay for it? And how are you go ing to square me with my wife? Wire reply, as I haven't been able to leave the house for three lett. All my good money has been wasted. that she had been. Yours truly, . P— w— This gentleman has only himself to blame. While we employ the most beav- tiful girls we can hire—as before ex- plained—we do this only for the sake of appearances. We want to make a pleas- ant impression. But we don’t expect our customers to take advantage of this. We admit that it is oftentimes hard for a discouraged husband to enter our office, with its charming personalities scattered around; at the same time, if there és anything to him he will resist Nevertheless, we must protect our trade. We have discharged the lady in question, with great regret—she was a favorite of ours—and we will furnish our friend with a six months’ course free. We shall have to begin all over with him, which makes it all the harder. He won't be able + a comfortable game of poker for a three months nore. and he must be prepared to re- ceive astonishing millinery bills; but in the end, if he follows our instruction forwarded by special delivery to-day, ull will be well. This Ieads us to an important matter Some insignificant and petty busybodies have been circulating the report that this Bureau is engaged in the business of leading its customers into temptation. Our special roof garden, our vaudeville performances for tired husbands, and our summer colony, not to mention the various special pleasures planned from time to time by our entertainment com mittee, have been the subject of unpleas- ant and unjust criticism We regret this greatly, but it is one of the numerous crosses that we have to bear. Our policy is a broad and lib- eral one. We believe that the only way you can bring a husband at last into a permanently impregnable position is not to place any restrictions upon him. And we point with pride to our record. Prac- tically every customer we have on our books is deeply respected by his wif For our business is with wives, as well as husbands, Without giving away our secret methods, we will ‘simply say that at the end of our full course of treat- ment every wife understands perfectly that her husband, on account of the heavy financial burdens he is obliged to carry, and because of his larger mascu- line nature, requires a greater varicyy of amusements. Here, for example, 's a private letter just received. The writer begs us to withhold his name: Deor Friends: How can I thank you enough for what you have done for me? Not only am I hav- ing the time of my life, but my wife thinks it is all right. Her very attitude about this —her very’ willingness to let me have a rea. conable filng—only makes me respect her ali the more. Thus we are living together in mutual love and admiration. Gratefully yours, D— s— P, S—Please send me pamphlet No. 3, issued by your entertainment committee. “f believe it is called A Galaxy of Beauty.” D. Ss. We beg to inform our patrons and the world at large, that we shall keep right on in our path. Money isn’t everything. It is a matter of conscience as well. If you are down-hearted and discouraged get into touch with our entertainment committee at once. In the meantime file your name and address as soon as pos- sible. First come, first alleviated. Husvanps’ Corresroxpexcr. Burrav. ts Danses taveie Ten ZAT EES PUBLIC AT ‘An, WHAT LARGE 1 NOW COMPREHEND. ZEY MEANS BY ‘2E wn comicbooks.com