Life — August 5, 1909 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

3 one ner, Sparks from Old Anvils (Continued from page 160) We ate our soup to slow waltz time, with the ¢ that every spoonful was cold before we got p to our mouth Just as the fish came, the aried a quick polka, and the consequence sat was that we had not time to pick out the s. We gulped down the white wine to the cksmith’s Galop,” and if the tune had lasted longer we should both have been blind With the advent of our steaks, the band ck up a selection from Wagner know of no modern European composer so to eat beefsteaks to as Wagner. That did not choke ourselves is a miracle gner’s orchestration is most trying to follow had to give up all :dea of mustard. B. tried ata bit of bread with his steak, and got most ly out of tune. Tam afraid I was a litle yself during the “ Valkyries’ Ride." My kk was rather underdone, and I could not rk it quickly enough \iter getting outside hard beefsteak to Wag r. putting away potato salad to the garden sic out of Faust was comparatively simple Once of twice a slice of potato stuck im our vroat during a very high note, but, on the hole, our rendering was fairly artistic rattled off a sweet omelette to a symphony or F, or else K—I won't be positive as to precise letter; but it was something in the pet, I know—and bolted our cheese to the let music from Carmen, After which we rolled about in agonies to all the national airs of Europe —Jerome K. Jerome, “Diary of a Pu re On Wives I marry a fool not to be made a fool of 1 believe, like a charitable Chnstian, in the virtue of your better half; but to my mind a clever wife forebodes no good: and I know how dearly ne people pay for their wives’ talents What! IT saddle myself with a clever, intellectual who talks of nothing but of society and es, who writes tender things in prose and in verse, and is visited by marquises and by wits. whilst I, as the husband of madam, must be like int whom no one invokes? No, no, such wonderful genius is not for me, and to my mind woman who writes knows more than she ought. I intend that my wife shall not even be able to Jerstand what 1s meant by a rhyme; and that if she were playing at crambo, and were asked, “What rhyme will you give to basket? "" her swer might be “a cream tart." In a word, I her to be extremely ignorant, and, to tell the plain truth, I shall be satisfied if she can sew, spin, say her prayers and love me Cueys: You wish, then, for a stupid wife? 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It would be such a pity to break a bright piece of gold like this for a drink ! "’—Argonaut. comicbooks.com