Life — August 5, 1909 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau No connection with M* wife is an intellectual woman. What am I to do? ‘Two months ago we received this hasty note scrawled on the back of an old enve- lope, with the name and address. With our extensive experience, it re- vealed volumes. There was a tragedy in every word We may say that this is a typical ex- nple. We get communications like that by every mail. Usually, however, they are longer. They go into detail. Some- times the man says that his wife insists upon reading aloud to him, sometimes that she entertains celebrities, and his home life—as he often expresses it—is made “a perfect Hell."" Sometimes he even dilates upon her long, superior si- lences—the only method she can find to express her contempt. Imagine any who has fallen so low that the only way his wife can treat him is in silence! an But this particular case appealed to us stron in great suffering very affecting. We immediately sent one of our rep- resentatives to the address indicated. The man himself was scen, and interviewed At first he was silent. It tha home had thorough- ly cowed him When questioned persistently kindly—at last he began his story details of it are altogether too painful for us to relate. ly, as it was evident the man was The pathos of it was was evident Ss treatment is sufficient to observe that the lady was president of a woman's chib, had made an exhaustive study of the old mas- ters, original pa cither art or literature every week of her life— and sometimes two—and was the proud author of a book of poems—that che had paid a publisher to issue for her We entered the man on our books, started him in with one of our Novices Evenings—circular by mail on request— nd inside of two weeks he show signs of courage. At the end of a month his wife was taking cooking les- In six weeks she had begun to take a course of bookkeeping in order to learn how to run the domestic accounts ; read an per on. sons any other establishment and we have just received a notice from him that she has resigned from the wom- an’s club and has told him confidentially that hereafter she intends to devote her- sclf to his interests, in the firm belief that a woman's place is in her own home. How did we accomplish this remark able result? How did we turn this lady's activities into the only proper channels? How did we, in the short space of eight weeks, make her see that her husband entitled to her respect—nay, her homage—and that artificial literary and oratorical achievement are not neces- sarily evidences of the highest brain power? It wouldn't do to reveal this publicly. Our rivals would adopt our methods, and would probably bungle the whole matter ; for it takes experience, and a certain amount of genius—our modesty forbids us to say more—to do a thing like th We ask, however, every husband who reads this, and who ever is troubled by was in intellectual wife to communicate with us at once. Don't let your foolish pride interfere. Remember your lasting happiness is at stake. All our resources are at your dis- posal for a song. In addition to ship, we are offeri regular member- this summer to all the first our various hus our those who subscribe before of rember the use of bands’ societies—each one a source of perpetual joy The Husbands’ Poker Club meets every Friday. The Vaudeville extension plan—ex- clusive with us and by means of which every chorus girl in the country can be met in the short time of six months—is now in progress of completion Our Fisherman’s Circle gives the only method of stealing away from your wife at any time, without any after results. We have also just opened a Paris chapter. Every husband visiting Paris, who member of our Bureau, will have advantages, at a minimum expense hitherto undreamed of by any self-re- specting American citizen. Understand that these pri is a leges are not given away to all—they are presented only to a few husbands who have char- acter enough not to go too far. We are now organizing a reunion club —for the bencfit of husbands and wives who have been estranged. We bring them together on a new basis, in such a manner that a husband who is a member of the Bureau in good standing is pro- tected against any future infringement of his rights. Are you unhappy in your married life? Does your wife spend too mich money? It makes no difference what your trouble is, confide in us. We will put you in possession of a long lost supremacy, or return your money. Huspanps’ Corresroxpexcr BUREAU. From Canada Dear Bureau: On reading in a recent issue a letter from a suffering husband a wild hope began to dawn in my mind that you may be induced still to further ex- tend the sphere of your benefactions. Tam a social failure. In all other re- spects I believe the requirements of mod- ern life have been net. My wife is a social success. To her the giddy throng offers pleasure and relaxation but to me it is purgatory. She pleads—nay insists—that my dis- taste for crowds of well-meaning and well-dressed people is narrowing my men- tal horizon and hardening my suscepti- bilities. To us come in large numbers square cards informing us that our friends are “at home” and in one cor- ner is the inobtrusive word “ dancing.”” Now, although I weigh 180 pounds and have keen gray eyes and a strong square chin, and my wife is what her friends call “petite” and weighs only 103 pounds, I invariably find myself in “among those present were.”” With gentle insistence I am told that unless Iam there my wife's pleasure will be spoilt and various other reasons are advanced, such as my fine figure and the fact that’ my new evening clothes fit so The upshot is always the same—I go. As I approach the house a strange ab- sent feeling asseris itself in. the region of my digestive organs, my tie works up over the back of my collar and a button comes off my white waistcoat We advance into the brilliantly lit cir- cle and my wife is immediately sur- rounded by men asking her to dance. My ealing glances are of no avail. T find the room insufferably hot, my boots pinch. I am introduced toa charn ing creature who regards me with pained curiosity as I flounder deeper and deeper. We hoth suffer, | am honestly sorry for her, but she ought to be angry with my wife and not with me T long for a pair of old slippers and a certain old brown pipe: she longs for other partner. I assist her to get one. The hours drag on. I have glimpses of my wife floating by wreathed in smiles. She is having such a good time. She is beautiful, T love and adore her and she returns all my affection. She assures me that Tam the bestest ever, but fails to understand that what is perfect nuts to her is desolation to me. In all other matters we agree, but she has either failed or declined to explain comicbooks.com