Life — July 29, 1909 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Maddening Lay On the frozen Ar'tic Occan somewhere north 0° Bering Sea There's an Eskimo a-sittin’, an’ I wisht that it was me, For the wind is in the icebergs an’ the polar bears at play Make a peaceful summer picture on the shores 0° Baffin Bay. Oh, the folks 0” Baffin Bi On cold stora In the shadow of the oil glace every ¢ jaciers lol and sip wha her an’ their coats are heir pantaloons are lea made of skin, Which prev s the chilly weather that’s outside from comin’ in For, altho’ skins are free in chilly clime, Protection's necessary in time Oh, the folks 0” Peary Land, They have lived, you understand, Through the snows of ers and have never even fanned is here hap} ¢ good old summer Ship me somewhere the ice trust’s power is dead, And where hard drink never harms unless it hits you on the head; Where Aurora Borealis hangs moon ; Where the sunset's in September and the cold, gray dawn’s in June Oh, the folks 0° Melville Sound Never go away from town To summer in the mountains till the mercury comes down. nland, where er ribbons on the —Richmond Despatch A Lost Opportunity Small boys are not always as sympathetic as their relatives wish, but, on the other hand, they are seldom as heartless as they sometimes appear. “Why are you crying so, Tommy?" inquired one of the boy's aunts, who found her small nephew seated on the doorstep lifting up his ice in loud wails. b-baby fell d-downstair: blubbered , that's too bad,"’ said the and opening the door. little dear wasn’t much hurt!" “S-she’s only hurt a little!’? wailed Tommy. “But Dorothy s-saw her fall, while I'd gone to the g-grocery! I never s-see anything! ""— Youth’s Companion aunt, stepping “I do hope the i S250RS AT Nv Incontestable Mary: I'm positive Fred loves me and in- tends to make me his wife. Hrtex: Why? Has he proposed yet? Mary: No. But he dislikes mother more every time he sees her.—Jugend. Brox: Bixby claims that he always tells the truth. Knox: Yes; he seems to have a mania for stirring up trouble—Chicago Daily 8. GOLF TERM—A BAD SLICE Not only does every woman who enters elevator containing a mirror turn round im diately, touch up her frizzes and remove flakes of soot from her face, but men adjust their neck- ties, take a deliberate survey of themselves, and pose and inflate their chests like Colonel Sellers, of lamented memory. A little stenographer in her building over near the city hall (says the Chicago Inter-Ocean) had been observing this peculiarity in the lords of creation. One day, having surprised a man making a more deliberate and careful scrutiny than usual, she expressed her opinion to James," the clevator-mai “You needn't talk about the vanity of wo! after that,’” she exclaimed scornfully ; “ men look at themselves twice as long and twice as intently as the vainest woman that ever breathed “You didn’t hear what he said to me, did you?”” asked James. No.” “He said, ‘I've been drunk four days, an’ I just wanted to see how I looked.’ "’—Argonaut. The Forum Down to Hicks’ grocery store Tariff’s all a settled score Income tax is voted on, Deficit’s all paid and gone, Naval programme's all arranged, Immigration laws is changed, And we found, on settlin’ these, me to lick the Japanese. But we can’t agree at all Where to build the city hall! Down to Hicks’ grocery store Africa ain't dark no more; Hicks traced Teddy’s route by rail With a dried salt herring’s tail On a map, and Homer Pry Drawed us all a tsetse fly On a paper sack that Finn Bought some boneless codfish in. But we ain’t got figgered out Who gets mail on our new route! I allow we've settled Burnin’ questions in a night Than the courts—an’ done it right. Hicks, he allus keeps in touch With ‘the world’s crowned heads an’ An’ there's very little gocs On abroad but what he knows. An’ he says to Treadwell Pew: “Who'll I charge them herrings to?" —J. W. Foley, Saturday Evening Post Carrie in the Graveyard When Representative Birdsall, of Iowa, was serving his first term in the House he was called with the other Iowa Representatives, into con ference with the late Senator Allison on ows | | matters. Shortly before the conference Carrie Nation | had been hustled out of a Senate gallery for| making a row. Before the conference began Birdsall said to Senator Allison, ver. dignified and a stickler for the dignity Senate and its traditions and power: quite a little excitement over in the Senate this afternoon.” “What was that?" asked Al been out of the chamber nated “Why, they arrested Carrie her out of one of the gallc es.” h,’’ commented Allison, “ for disturbing the I presume ?’” 4 0,"" Birdsall replied, “for disturbing the | ‘on, who had ‘arrie was elimi- Nation and took | N dead. And Birdsall always wondered after that why | didn't get along with Allison.—Saturday|_ ning Post 3 tre is pablished every Thursday, simultaneously j ish Possessions. $5.00 a year Union, $1.0 year: to Canada, 5 Months from date of publication, No contribution twill be returi Single current cop -d unless accompanied by sta Lava is for sale by al dvance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal 3. 10 cents. Hack numbers, after tree mped and addressed envelope. Live toes nat hold tive responsible for the loss or now return of unsolicited contributions ( Newsdealers in Great Briain. ‘The International News Company, Breams es, Great Britain, Canada and 1, Via Firenz 9 L1hR are copyrighted. ft Live due credit; but the illustrations are not to be reproduced without special permission obtained : advance ews Exchanges, 1 y Milan: Mayenc Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. England, Acests., Bren w Coventry Street. Leicester (Germany. Extracts from the text may be used, giving de 'Ope « London; 9, Ru Wine Merchants and Importers Sole Agents for Messrs. Deutz & Geldermann’s “Gold Lack” Champagne, Ay, France Vintage Wines the same as shipped to England For Sale at all First-Class Hotels and Restaurants WINDSOR ARCADE, 4% East 47th St., Telephone 57 Murray Hil NEW YORK The Ritz Co. FOR SALE—A Beautiful Country Home near Oconomowoc, Wis. Fine residence, beautiful grounds, about 87 acres ona high bluff of a fresh water lake; house has steam heat, open grates for wood fires, six baths, all city improvements, electric lighting plant and gas; grounds piped for water; boat house with electric launch and several small boats; fine stable and garage, icehouse, greenhouse, pigeon house, gardener's house and e, vegetable garden, fruit trees and amall fruit, Will be sold furnished or unfurnished, with all horses, cows and farm imple- ments, One mile from station. For further par- ticulars address J. L. Stack, 1500 Heyworth Building, Chicago. comicbooks.com